Pistol Of Despair

Look inside of me,
And I'm ashamed,
Of what I see.
A pathetic shriveled up soul,
With nothing in it anymore.

A washed up version,
Of what she used to be.

I remember her being full of life,
And caring smiles.
Wishing everyone could live to be,
What their meant to be.
That girl lying curled up in that corner,
So sad and small.
Looks like nothing,
Of what I remember her to be.

She used to be a positive thinker,
Never letting life get her down.
And if it did she gets back up
and pushes it back.

But this little girl,
I see lying there,
on the dirty floor.
Just looks like a forgotten doll,
Used up,
Thrown out,
Torn apart,
And forgotten.

What has gotten to her?
Why is she so down?
This rough world has chewed her up,
And spit her back out.

Letting her live with the aches,
And pains,
Of promises she couldn't keep,
lies she couldn't tell,
and hearts she couldn't mend.

I wish I could help her,
Be what she used to be...
I rewind my mind,
To see what could have made,
This beautiful phoenix turn into nothing but a pile of smoldering ashes.

I see her her get hurt,
And used repeatedly by many.
And get back up..
But after a while,
She just gave up realizing her pistol of despair can't even make a dent in the armor of unheard cries my enemies bear.

She had no more strength,
To fight the world of sin that has come to devour her.

She's tired and sore,
And cant just cant fight the good fight any longer.

I see her fall in love,
And she has hope again.
She over came some hard road blocks,
And kept pushing again.

But suddenly,
The worst betrayal came.
Her true love,
He betrayed her as well.

I feel a tear,
Wash down my cheek,
And touch it surprised.

Surprised at the pity I feel
For the wilting flower
Sitting there by herself.

I rewind further,
To see how she used to be.

I see her wake each morning
with a smile in her eyes
She wakes and looks at the bright side
of each day.

She gets dressed for school,
And puts her best outfit on.
She tries to make herself pretty enough to fit in with the rest.

I see her laugh and smile with some friends,
but then get left behind at the end.
I can see it in her eyes,
She doesnt let it define her worth.

She gets back on her two little feet,
and smiles at the world showing all her white teeth.

I get out of my mind with a single thought in my head
after all I have seen,
I have one thing to say.

I want to be the girl of perpetual strength
I used to know.
Not letting anything take the life in her eyes,
or the music in her soul.

If it does she will just get right back up
On her two little feet
And smile at the world.

Looking it straight in the eye,
While laughing in its face.
and live on with her life
with an everyday's grace.

That girl never
weilded this pistol of depair,
waiting for the right opportunity
to let the demons see her die,
giving them what they wanted
and making her life a lie.