Nightmares

I lay motionless awake in my bed,
laying really still believing I was dead.
The years flashed by as I reviewed my life,
through my teenage years and when I had a Wife.

Regrets, apologies and overall despair,
years spent fighting for another one's care.
The tears, the pain and a soul splitting cry,
no one gave a damn if we lived or died.

The heartache, the loss, or a desperate plea
for the ones in pain but who wants to see?
I've heard those voices. I've heard those cries.
I've done those things that I now despise.

Oh God! Forgive me! I ask You above.
I was a Master of Chaos without compassion or love.
I was Shiva. I was Death. I was the Destroyer of Worlds.
I was the willing Pale Rider while Earth's chaos unfurled.

I'm afraid to slumber and I fear, every time I close my eyes.
What costume do I have today? Is it a Uniform or disguise?
Forgive me Lord. I'm so sorry, forgive me for my sins.
Heal the pain that I feel; deep in my soul within.