waiting for death

They skirt around the topic    
play it
like a fucking song    
that's stuck    
wanting to bring me down    
wipe the smile "I mastered to a tee"    
off my face    
drag these sleepless nights into weeks    
and make me scream from the top of my lungs    
GET THE FUCK OUT MY HEAD    
I'm at a loss for words    
cause they are floating around in my    
thoughts    
holding me hostage    
bringing me down    
driving me to drink    
no one can help me    
not a doctor    
nor god himself    
he can't erase the memories    
or take away the pain    
I know I feel because I'm alive    
so if I die can I finally forget?