deepundergroundpoetry.com
Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
Your writing is weak
and your conviction
even weaker.
You're a writer, are you?
Then what the fuck
did I just read?
A mesh of words.
Boring, bland.
And without direction.
Nothing to hold it
together.
No structure, no skill.
Without personification.
No metaphors, either!
Go ahead and 'write'
With your piss weak rhymes.
I've seen
better 'originality'
from a brick.
You claim you want
honest critique.
Don't break down in front of me.
When I bring the hammer down.
Struck to anvil
and left in the water
to simmer.
I attribute the same method
to your words.
And you cannot take it.
When you sit back down
after calling out the teacher.
Always remember
that your writing
isn't for the honest critiquers.
You're too weak for this.
So, before you submit another 'masterpiece',
safeguard your shit.
And disable the comments
because it's too far gone
for a change
to feedback for the friendly.
You're in hostile waters,
and I'm not fuckin' friendly.
and your conviction
even weaker.
You're a writer, are you?
Then what the fuck
did I just read?
A mesh of words.
Boring, bland.
And without direction.
Nothing to hold it
together.
No structure, no skill.
Without personification.
No metaphors, either!
Go ahead and 'write'
With your piss weak rhymes.
I've seen
better 'originality'
from a brick.
You claim you want
honest critique.
Don't break down in front of me.
When I bring the hammer down.
Struck to anvil
and left in the water
to simmer.
I attribute the same method
to your words.
And you cannot take it.
When you sit back down
after calling out the teacher.
Always remember
that your writing
isn't for the honest critiquers.
You're too weak for this.
So, before you submit another 'masterpiece',
safeguard your shit.
And disable the comments
because it's too far gone
for a change
to feedback for the friendly.
You're in hostile waters,
and I'm not fuckin' friendly.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 13
reading list entries 1
comments 30
reads 919
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
14th Feb 2013 3:41am
this piece reminds me of stuff... many stuffs...
"You're in hostile waters,
and I'm not fuckin' friendly."
I like the last line. Direct, violent. Whats not to like?
"You're in hostile waters,
and I'm not fuckin' friendly."
I like the last line. Direct, violent. Whats not to like?
2
re: Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
14th Feb 2013 3:42am
I'm getting tired of people asking for honest critique and having a sook when I give it to them.. Ah well, they'll learn either way.
Thanks for the comment mate. :-)
Thanks for the comment mate. :-)
Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
14th Feb 2013 3:43am
Some people can't handle the truth and depending on how it's delivered, their offensiveness can intensify. This is definitely not the forum for the easily offended! I cry easy...so I had to grow thick, tough, hard and bulletproof skin to hang around here .lol
Nicely written and pissed-off stated.....haha..:)
Nicely written and pissed-off stated.....haha..:)
1
re: Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
14th Feb 2013 3:47am
Too right Raincourtel! Spend a few months on the DU and you'll harden up. Spend a year and you'll change, for me it was for the better. Thanks for your comment :-)
re: re: Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
15th Feb 2013 4:24am
as my mentor once said, the best way to improve is to state directly the flaws done without sugar on top.
Sarov has the attitude of a good mentor... I salute him for that.
Sarov has the attitude of a good mentor... I salute him for that.
1
re: re: re: Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
15th Feb 2013 5:50am
Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
re: Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
14th Feb 2013 3:48am
Haha, bloody oath did I have a good laugh too! :-) Thanks for stopping by Maggie.
Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
14th Feb 2013 4:13am
This is FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!!
Did our little chat last night inspire you? haha
Cali
Did our little chat last night inspire you? haha
Cali
1
re: Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
14th Feb 2013 4:57am
Haha, it probably did Caliban, along with humans in the latest poetry submitted asking for 'honest critique', haha.
Thanks for the reading list entry, thought you'd like this one. :-)
Thanks for the reading list entry, thought you'd like this one. :-)
Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
14th Feb 2013 5:09am
re: Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
14th Feb 2013 5:11am
re: Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
14th Feb 2013 5:56am
re: re: Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
14th Feb 2013 6:01am
Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
14th Feb 2013 5:11am
Awe be nice lol.. Some people would not last ten minutes in my world. They can't take a simple critique on their words then they're weak people. It's to teach not to be mean. Maybe less harsh next time lol. Ok no that wouldn't be you! Stay you xoxo nice write btw
1
re: Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
14th Feb 2013 5:14am
Haha much love Gigi :-) Thanks for the comments, I'd rather stomp some more. >:D
Anonymous
- Edited 1st May 2021 7:45am
14th Feb 2013 6:33am
<< post removed >>
re: Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
14th Feb 2013 6:36am
Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
14th Feb 2013 7:08am
re: Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
14th Feb 2013 7:11am
Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
Anonymous
14th Feb 2013 7:48am
Love the title, Evan. Great lines & stanzas & I smiled at this:
I've seen
better 'originality'
from a brick.
An honest, angry, adrenaline-rich piece! Great one! :)
Carlene
I've seen
better 'originality'
from a brick.
An honest, angry, adrenaline-rich piece! Great one! :)
Carlene
1
re: Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
14th Feb 2013 7:57am
Thanks Carlene! :-) Yeah, I'm letting whatever emotion fuels me strongest take over. And anger comes up more than most.
Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
17th Feb 2013 7:28am
re: Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
17th Feb 2013 7:29am
Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
28th Feb 2013 1:16am
Scared me slightly to be honest but i think that was part of the plan. I definitely enjoyed the last stanza. I like that you can channel your annoyance/ anger into something productive.
0
re: Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
28th Feb 2013 3:23am
Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
Anonymous
28th Feb 2013 11:39am
I think your friendly:) and honest..... nice write mate.
0
re: Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
28th Feb 2013 9:31pm
Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
3rd Mar 2013 5:18am
I've just joined this site, and it didn't take me too long to notice, that although so many writers have specified that they want honest critique, there could be a typo lets say in their poem posted. 25+ reads... no one's mentioned it? Honest critique... nope not really. I realize some people aren't concerned with the "critique" of poetry, and that this "ruins" poetry... But "honest critique" doesn't mean, ignore the typos, the cliche images, cliche metaphors, and lame personifications or praise the unorganized, ineffective, and predictable writing... sure we were potentially all there at one point, but honest critique is ... well honest! It's difficult to give some honest feedback and then get treated as if I slapped them in the face. That being said though, some us need that slap in the face.
You wrote straight to the point without the sugar coating. It's what we need.
Thank you :)
You wrote straight to the point without the sugar coating. It's what we need.
Thank you :)
1
re: Re: Honest Critique (Hostile Waters)
3rd Mar 2013 5:24am