deepundergroundpoetry.com
Little Teapot.
I’m served upon
A fragile plate.
Pour your liquids
Into me.
Grab my handle,
Pick me up.
Bend me forward -
Slightly, gently.
Tilt my foreign,
Dainty shell
And I’ll discharge; I
Always smirk.
For I will serve
My liquid herb
To others whilst you are at work.
A fragile plate.
Pour your liquids
Into me.
Grab my handle,
Pick me up.
Bend me forward -
Slightly, gently.
Tilt my foreign,
Dainty shell
And I’ll discharge; I
Always smirk.
For I will serve
My liquid herb
To others whilst you are at work.
Published 12th Aug 2010
| Edited 23rd Sep 2010
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The author encourages honest critique.
12th Aug 2010 9:50pm
That extended metaphor you use is brilliant...that fragile image jarred right up aganist the crude reality is both comical and scathing.
13th Aug 2010 7:22am
13th Aug 2010 1:56pm
I'm not going to pretend that i understand this, but, i do like it. tis very different and well written. -Lady Namless
13th Aug 2010 5:31pm
16th Aug 2010 9:16pm
17th Aug 2010 9:51am
Anonymous
18th Aug 2010 2:22am
My God, this is one sexy poem. Filthy and yet featuring not a single dirty word. The only problem is your use of commas. They arrive in weird places, breaking up the flow and messing with their sentences. For instance, I think you should remove the ones you've placed after "upon," "foreign" and "discharge," replace the latter with a semi-colon, and just leave the other two blank. Also I'd suggest taking out the capital letters at the start of each line, but that's merely a personal preference.
Other than that, though, as I said, this is a sexy verse, enough to get one through the night. ;]
Other than that, though, as I said, this is a sexy verse, enough to get one through the night. ;]
