deepundergroundpoetry.com
self-medicate
what of it?
no one to know
or care
chalkdust tablets
sharp spirits
cough smoke
no, doc, try
again... how about
nothing?
the space between
words, the break
in breaths
sweet silence, an
empty mind
and sleep
Published 21st Jan 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 17
reading list entries 1
comments 32
reads 866
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
21st Jan 2013 8:51pm
"the space between words,the break in breaths"
i identify with this all too well atakti...
well done....
i identify with this all too well atakti...
well done....
21st Jan 2013 9:04pm
21st Jan 2013 8:55pm
Why the full stop in the first stanza? I'd keep it minimal and get rid of it.
I like the brevity here. The lines almost slap like stretched elastic.
I like the brevity here. The lines almost slap like stretched elastic.
21st Jan 2013 9:05pm
Anonymous
21st Jan 2013 8:55pm
well done ataki....strider
21st Jan 2013 9:05pm
21st Jan 2013 8:59pm
Well written;
the space between
words, the break
in breaths
perfectly relatable,
effective.
the space between
words, the break
in breaths
perfectly relatable,
effective.
21st Jan 2013 9:06pm
Anonymous
21st Jan 2013 9:05pm
Nicely written, its like a meditation poem too, sinks into the silence slowly...
21st Jan 2013 9:07pm
21st Jan 2013 10:07pm
Really like this one Ataki, simple yet powerful, can fit my own experiences in between the lines. A nicely written introspective and emotive piece. :)
Peace, Indie
Peace, Indie
22nd Jan 2013 5:48am
I'm pleased you like it, Indie. I seem to get best responses to the ones that come easiest to me... an "idle doodle" I thought this one.
I guess I let my guard down, and some inspiration snuck in, lol.
I guess I let my guard down, and some inspiration snuck in, lol.
Anonymous
21st Jan 2013 10:24pm
Hi Ataki
You are becoming Zen-like in your approach poetry. What is left out is as important as
what words you carefully choose to express
yourself.
Very well done
Peace
Kitty
You are becoming Zen-like in your approach poetry. What is left out is as important as
what words you carefully choose to express
yourself.
Very well done
Peace
Kitty
22nd Jan 2013 5:48am
23rd Jan 2013 2:53pm
Agreed. This does sound more tip-toey than your other pieces, but that's what I like about it. It's simple, pure and hits home.
I love how unexpected things that come out of nowhere seem to work out.
I love how unexpected things that come out of nowhere seem to work out.
23rd Jan 2013 3:31pm
21st Jan 2013 10:36pm
"sweet silence, an
empty mind
and sleep"
hard fought for, hard won indeed
Get this one big time Hun :)
empty mind
and sleep"
hard fought for, hard won indeed
Get this one big time Hun :)
22nd Jan 2013 5:49am
21st Jan 2013 11:03pm
22nd Jan 2013 5:50am
21st Jan 2013 11:37pm
22nd Jan 2013 5:51am
I wish you peaceful slumber, Gigi.
There's time for more plotting in the morning, eh?
;)
There's time for more plotting in the morning, eh?
;)
Anonymous
22nd Jan 2013 1:21am
Love the last two stanza's in particular. Relatable & well penned! :)
Carlene
Carlene
22nd Jan 2013 5:51am
22nd Jan 2013 9:29am
Beautiful in simplicity and sparcity ... like poetic suishi ...
Really like:
"the space between
words, the break
in breaths"
Really like:
"the space between
words, the break
in breaths"
22nd Jan 2013 5:01pm
23rd Jan 2013 2:59am
23rd Jan 2013 5:42am
28th Jan 2013 6:33pm
For lack of words to comment with I shall simply just like this. Outstanding write!
28th Jan 2013 9:23pm
Anonymous
29th Jan 2013 3:37pm
<< post removed >>
29th Jan 2013 7:44pm
