deepundergroundpoetry.com
piece lost, peace lost...
clockwork rhythms lost
springs unwound, stretched
gears loosen here, grind there
replacing this bent cog
takes tick tock time
clickety clack crack
the face is strained,
the arms hang loose
fix this, it needs fixing
unwise winding (please, no)
of the key and it
snaps —
Published 3rd Feb 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 2
comments 13
reads 711
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
3rd Feb 2013 4:04pm
I can almost visualise broken and lost time from your words Atakti.. Great pen. :)
3rd Feb 2013 4:11pm
So good to see you again, Magdalena! Some of us were on facebook while DU was down. Join us there?..
hugs, missed ya xx
hugs, missed ya xx
3rd Feb 2013 4:33pm
I did pop in once in a while to check for updates,just didn't post. :)
Missed ya too and good to be back xx
Missed ya too and good to be back xx
3rd Feb 2013 4:05pm
3rd Feb 2013 4:12pm
Anonymous
3rd Feb 2013 4:17pm
excellent write ataki....strider
3rd Feb 2013 4:20pm
Thanks, Strider! Was wondering where you were, as well. Consider facebook...
:)
:)
3rd Feb 2013 4:27pm
3rd Feb 2013 4:28pm
Maggie! Would you believe, I only wrote it when the site went back up!
This place is the source of my writing power, apparently. lol
;)
This place is the source of my writing power, apparently. lol
;)
Anonymous
4th Feb 2013 00:05am
Greatly worded, Atakti. Love the 'clickety clack clack', too, and how it rhymes with the finish. Enjoyed! :)
4th Feb 2013 7:51am
4th Feb 2013 11:06am
If I were to suggest anything, it may be to remove the parenthetical plea-- but otherwise, a powerful read it was.
Very well done with this Atakti.
Uley
Very well done with this Atakti.
Uley
4th Feb 2013 6:52pm
Thanks, Uley, for the interesting suggestion.
Is that the weak point of the poem? I wanted to show a personal fragility...
Nevertheless, I will reflect on this and then decide.
Is that the weak point of the poem? I wanted to show a personal fragility...
Nevertheless, I will reflect on this and then decide.
