So Sick

Now days it's frowned upon to be up front and honest and so people encourage others to just deal with it. I say fuck you to those people and go off, whether out loud or through other means (such as poetry). Great job on displaying what we often think yet don't say!

Thank you very much, your insight spoke well for my poem in a less 'fancied' way. (:

A powerful piece.  Just that in the third-from-the-last stanza you could stand to leave out "type of" and just say back-stabbing attitude.  It's a much weaker phrase with "type of."  In the fourth-from-the-last stanza you could use a period instead of a comma in "It's sickening, your existence is sickening."  That could also go for the comma you have in the stanza above that one.  The second last stanza is very redundant.  Copying and mimicking together.  "mimicking to be like me"--why else would they mimick you?  Well, I suppose they could be mocking, but you'd generally say they were mocking you if that was the case.  "sick of the shit you say,"--You've already said they spew bullshit.  The last two lines don't make any sense.  How can you say you're too nice to say it for them if you already are saying, "go away?"  Do you mean you're too nice to Do it for them, like, you're too nice to go away yourself?

Otherwise, like I said, a powerful piece, but probably made so by the raw passion of rage, with the right words naturally flying out onto the page.

I am a naturally passive voiced writer, and I like that trait about me.

When I wrote this piece, I was venting to someone who I don't say this to in the face. I care about her as a human being, just like anyone else in this world, but this is my form of venting 'go away' so the last stanza of being too nice to say it to her, it's me basically stating just do it of your own accord because I can't break my passive kindness to state the facts and such to your face and then watch you either break down in tears considering I'm your only 'friend' or watch you get all pissy and stomp away to spread more rumors. You know?

Like you said though, it's raw emotional rage. Nothing more, nothing less.

Thanks for the comment.

Alright.  Just as to what I said about the last two lines, you should still change at least that, to make it more reflective of the facts you just related.  Because, if you don't, it's just babble at the end, and while you may be expressing yourself, you have to decide wheather it is more important just to express yourself, or to also make it clear what your expressing.  (Writing is for the writer more than for the reader.  Publishing is for the reader at least as much as it is for the writer--though sometimes I have forgotten that myself.)

You did say you wanted honest opinions.  So, I'm not holding anything back here.

Like I said in a previous comment response to you, your words don't offend me. I take blunt honestly as a way to improve for future works. I will not go back and edit, because the only time I ever edit my writing is in stories and essays. My poetry was always wrote out for me, I started publishing them for the first and only time here in DUP because I wanted a place to keep them all without losing ones here and there like I have in the past. More so a filing cabinet than a place for learning to be a better poet you could say?

At the same time, I take everything you've told me and put them away for the next time I write a piece. Just because I don't edit doesn't mean your thoughts and suggestions are lost on me completely.

Thanks for the comment.