My World(a tired world)

Trying so hard
I am,
trying
so fucking hard

Trying,
to stir hope
in a world,
my world,
a tired world
lost in the cosmos...
a lonely,
oh so lonely world

A world losing
what little resolve there was to be had,
one that's losing its
already tenuous grip
on a desire to live

Whether that desire stems
from friends
or from family
and a reluctance to hurt them,
a hope
for some modicum of happiness
or from some other avenue
is irrelevant as,
whatever the reason
its fading

With it fades my fear,
my fear of apathy
towards people,
known and unknown,
towards life and living
and strongest of all
my terror at the possibility
of discarding my facade
and openly embracing
the absence of my humanity
a concept I believe
I've long-lost

I'm falling off the edge
and for the first time,
I don't have the luxury
of time,
time to catch myself,
find my footing,
rediscover life
and any number of reasons
to embrace living

I don't have time
to seek help,
as once okay
I'd have fallen too far behind
in the obligations I have
while I continue living

I feel my anxiety,
a forever building burden
weighing heavy
on both my head and heart,
dissipating
to be replaced by an apathy
towards holding on
to my,
until now boundless,
self-control

I feel myself giving up
on my seemingly unending
search for optimism
and itching to silence
the incessant stream
of almost unintelligible mind babble
that's forever been driving me
to...