deepundergroundpoetry.com
I should be asleep.
Oh set me on fire and watch me burn,
Know my desires, but not my heart.
Greedy hands and solemn eyes,
I'm pleading for the flames to start.
It is not guilt for what I've done,
But aching shame for who I am.
Compulsive, doubtful and shy,
My heart belongs with the damned.
But in it all I just wish to find home,
Not in another, but in my broken soul.
I have grown weak at the hands of man,
Pick up the pieces and fix me whole.
Know my desires, but not my heart.
Greedy hands and solemn eyes,
I'm pleading for the flames to start.
It is not guilt for what I've done,
But aching shame for who I am.
Compulsive, doubtful and shy,
My heart belongs with the damned.
But in it all I just wish to find home,
Not in another, but in my broken soul.
I have grown weak at the hands of man,
Pick up the pieces and fix me whole.
Published 15th Oct 2012
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15th Oct 2012 4:08am
I like the singsong lyricism of this piece, and the lines themselves, while somewhat ambiguous, work here with the singsong feel to sound somewhat ethereal. I think its flirtation with foot and meter might be better served by a bit stiffer allegiance to a set structure. Syllable counts, beat, all that may really bring out the rhythm, ya know? And perhaps a more descriptive of a title, something that would add impact to the words. All in all though, some good work, and welcome to DU!
15th Oct 2012 5:55pm
Thank you, I know the rhythm and flow was a bit off key in spots, without trying to sound like I'm making excuses, I was very tired last night but was insistent I'd make my first post on here!
Hopefully, if I continue to post they'll be of better quality and thank you for the warm welcome!
Hopefully, if I continue to post they'll be of better quality and thank you for the warm welcome!
15th Oct 2012 5:55pm
you have done a wonderful job with this fine work of art. Please keep it up.:)
