deepundergroundpoetry.com
denial
fair enough
armed with your masters
you tell me about denial
so lets do this
lets deny
the constant noise
walls that move at will
a ceiling fan that is a vortex
this peeling crumbling deathly paint
the sicksweet smell of heavythick love
the lingering undead bubbles of
stubborn ostracised memories
deny
the shared past
the dreamy future
the damaged now
deny
me you us love
deny
denial
deny fair
deny enough
fair enough
.
Published 2nd Oct 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 2
comments 16
reads 1604
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
3rd Oct 2012 1:58am
3rd Oct 2012 1:41pm
gigi
ah. now that's bad.
might skim a bit more.
for now will let it be.
thank you for stopping by.
xx
sumeet
ah. now that's bad.
might skim a bit more.
for now will let it be.
thank you for stopping by.
xx
sumeet
Anonymous
- Edited 4th Oct 2012 2:08am
3rd Oct 2012 4:08am
give you so much love
yet you see to accept it not
you turn a way from me
done all I can to give you me
yet you seem not to need
you come close when you want
never do you stay for long
yet you love me
yet you see to accept it not
you turn a way from me
done all I can to give you me
yet you seem not to need
you come close when you want
never do you stay for long
yet you love me
3rd Oct 2012 1:42pm
flowergirl
umm. i am not sure how to
decipher the feedback with
regards to the poem.
thank you, nevertheless.
happy writing,
sumeet
umm. i am not sure how to
decipher the feedback with
regards to the poem.
thank you, nevertheless.
happy writing,
sumeet
Anonymous
3rd Oct 2012 7:24pm
Guess I didn't get it. Sorry!! :)
4th Oct 2012 2:39pm
3rd Oct 2012 10:26am
Beautiful piece, I got it. I love going to my psychologist, he has nice coffee. :D
I understand you've culled off punctuation and only using it in one place might seem a bit urgh but the third request to deny would sound/look better separated by commas:
"deny
me, you, us, love"
Beyond that this was quite a deep piece.
Be happy.
Duncan
I understand you've culled off punctuation and only using it in one place might seem a bit urgh but the third request to deny would sound/look better separated by commas:
"deny
me, you, us, love"
Beyond that this was quite a deep piece.
Be happy.
Duncan
3rd Oct 2012 1:44pm
duncan
ah! i am sure he has. they always tend to have.:]
in my case, its a she. more than meets the eye.
i tell you. ha.
actually that works. gives it
depth and significance. will
think it over mate. thanks.:]
glad you stopped by.
and feeling it.
much love brother,
x
sumeet
ah! i am sure he has. they always tend to have.:]
in my case, its a she. more than meets the eye.
i tell you. ha.
actually that works. gives it
depth and significance. will
think it over mate. thanks.:]
glad you stopped by.
and feeling it.
much love brother,
x
sumeet
3rd Oct 2012 12:58pm
3rd Oct 2012 1:45pm
grace
ah! so good to see you. it has been awhile.:]
spoken like a cognizant soul. like tape
on a broken egg. how apt! yes.
thank you for stopping by.
x
sumeet
ah! so good to see you. it has been awhile.:]
spoken like a cognizant soul. like tape
on a broken egg. how apt! yes.
thank you for stopping by.
x
sumeet
On the one hand, I'd be okay with it finishing at "deny me you us love". But then, wouldn't want to change something that so caught my attention.
Love this piece, Sumeet. The subject itself, of course, but especially how the phrase "the sicksweet smell of heavythick love" sounds when read aloud, as I was caught doing earlier.
PS damn those "lingering undead bubbles of stubborn ostracised memories" ... eesh yeah, they're tough ... you describe 'em well.
Love this piece, Sumeet. The subject itself, of course, but especially how the phrase "the sicksweet smell of heavythick love" sounds when read aloud, as I was caught doing earlier.
PS damn those "lingering undead bubbles of stubborn ostracised memories" ... eesh yeah, they're tough ... you describe 'em well.
3rd Oct 2012 3:25pm
kaatho
such a pleasant surprise to see you here.:]
thank you for everything you had to say.
like all the others, this has a few versions.
the first one actually stops right there.
thank you for picking the daring flourishes.
and the listing.
glad to you know you read aloud. :]
power,
sumeet
such a pleasant surprise to see you here.:]
thank you for everything you had to say.
like all the others, this has a few versions.
the first one actually stops right there.
thank you for picking the daring flourishes.
and the listing.
glad to you know you read aloud. :]
power,
sumeet
3rd Oct 2012 9:19pm
Very much enjoyed from beginning to end. I actually liked the last lines as well, as I feel it shows giving in completely and allowing the denial to saturate. Not a good place to be, of course, but I don't have to tell you that.
The mention of "undead bubbles" threw me, but the follow up made it brilliant.
The feeling of this did come across, in my opinion, but perhaps you have to be able to relate.
Please don't change a thing.
The mention of "undead bubbles" threw me, but the follow up made it brilliant.
The feeling of this did come across, in my opinion, but perhaps you have to be able to relate.
Please don't change a thing.
4th Oct 2012 2:39pm
star
:]such joy
to see you 'round these parts.
that was the intention.
the submission, the saturation.:]
okay. i won't. i trust you.
much love,
sumeet
:]such joy
to see you 'round these parts.
that was the intention.
the submission, the saturation.:]
okay. i won't. i trust you.
much love,
sumeet
4th Oct 2012 8:00pm
I really enjoyed this piece.
I sense a bubbling rage beneath the surface, and I also feel you throwing down a gauntlet. An invite for a battle.
Interesting, brilliant.
I sense a bubbling rage beneath the surface, and I also feel you throwing down a gauntlet. An invite for a battle.
Interesting, brilliant.
5th Oct 2012 2:37am
