bitch

This one was great
Especially loved  fourth paragraph. Nice

gigi

hey! thanks for stopping by.
still working on it a bit.:]

the fourth. okay, i see that.
i know. you love ambiguity.ha.

much love,

x

sumeet

her face flat as death  
eyes blinking lost  
devoid of life  
love pain  
anger  

Great write! Enjoyed it Sir, thank you...

drlove

ah! welcome to this part of du.
glad it had the effect.:]

thank you for stopping by.

happy writing,

sumeet

You never shy away from the idea of completely revolting your readers, and what a good quality that is. You want to mention bloody vaginas or semen fine, you do it. And I really do love it.

As for the poem itself: I find it interesting that indecision, in this situation, is the bitch, and not love or lust. It's a love poem, or so I'd imagine, yet the bitch is indecision? Yes, I love that. Love is never the bitch, it's all the flaws that come along with it like, as you say, indecision. There's always a problem. It's not truly ever love, is it? It can alter the problem but at the end...the problem IS the problem.

Now you've got me off on a tangent, aye :D

"i release lungfuls of thick yellow smoke  
stand up dust myself a bit  
take a long drag and look  
away only to look at her  
 
heart in the throat  
guilt in my hands  
violet sickthick  
like the ejaculate"

Yes. Go forth, create more. I'm in awe of your talent.

ah, sublime

see. this works.:]
now i have a reason to write. as long as
someone [excluding the writer] collects
the small shapeshifting droplets and mixes
them to see the entire image of fluidity,
its a darn good reason to bleed onto the
page.

i can feel the tangent. :]

thank you.

much love,

sumeet

Damn that was an excellent read!

mememe

ah! so good to see you.:]
glad it had the affect.

thank you for stopping by
and leaving your comments

power,

sumeet

Holy freaking shitsnacks!

Sumeet! You fucked it UP!

***
she stands there by the door  
 
as the room wobbles like a sunken ship  
from (THE) 1910s during an earthquake  

(These images -- a sunken ship, which you cannot see, and an earthquake, something deep underground causing vertigo -- I love them together.)
 
its the booze and the pills  
blue pink orange white  
 
i release lungfuls of thick yellow smoke  
stand up dust myself a bit  
take a long drag and look  
away only to look at her  
 
heart in the throat  
guilt in my hands  
violet sickthick  
like the ejaculate  
of ichi  
 
(Ooo. Sick. Hot. Derisive. Ashamed.)

the inside of my mouth  
feels like a bear trap  
(Like a bear trap? YES! Love that visual!)

impeccable timing  
really  
(again, the nearly sullen sarcasm. Fuck it.)  


she still stands there  
clutching the knob  
 
her face flat as death  
eyes blinking lost  
devoid of life  
love pain  
anger  
 
inhuman  
 
i shove my cigarette  
into my wrist  
try to feel  
the sting  

(I even like the cliche)  

we fail to even stare  
at each other  
indecision  
is  
a  
bitch  

Stellar ending.
Indecision is a bitch.

Indeed, my friend. Indeed.

Good stuff, weirdo,
Happy Writing, B

ugly

ha! good to come back to this.:]

thanks for stopping by and everything
you had to say. :]

x

w'

the inside of my mouth  
feels like a bear trap  
impeccable timing  
really "  


you sir.
have impeccable timing.
really.

Super cool.

Fedora_man

fedora_man1

ah, swell. see i have got
you all gooey over freeverse.
some start i will say.:] ha

thank you again.

write on,

sumeet