deepundergroundpoetry.com
With
Gone are the ribbons of gold,
the water wheels with some dancing fish flying south,
the times of summer love kissing women as if touching slow moving clouds,
gone so as to let new grasses bud
encouraging deep smells of lavender with
garlics placed by the fresh flowing streams,
the rivers,
flowing through loves shimmering salty sunlights
the water wheels with some dancing fish flying south,
the times of summer love kissing women as if touching slow moving clouds,
gone so as to let new grasses bud
encouraging deep smells of lavender with
garlics placed by the fresh flowing streams,
the rivers,
flowing through loves shimmering salty sunlights
Published 19th Apr 2010
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23rd Nov 2010 1:20pm
4th Jan 2013 1:09am
Real nice imagery, completely original.
I only see one thing that could possibly improve this.
"The rivers," is redundant after "flowing streams", it's unnecessary. Even if you did leave it in the comma is also unnecesary, its a break where a break isn't needed.
Fantastic job!
I only see one thing that could possibly improve this.
"The rivers," is redundant after "flowing streams", it's unnecessary. Even if you did leave it in the comma is also unnecesary, its a break where a break isn't needed.
Fantastic job!
