deepundergroundpoetry.com
J o y
of fluid blue eyes
swirls in her sleep
toes curling breath uneven
to the frenzied tunes of ishtar
eyes liquefied in dreamtime
an unending vortex
of rem
she sees thru and beyond
wakes up akin a new born
tabula rasa
every single time
often see her
spreadeagled glorious wanton
on an octagon
the vitruvian goddess
unreal surreal
ambiguous antediluvian
she knows all
and none
beautiful ambivalent
flaunts her tattoo
loves theatre music
teases the hopeful
and hopeless alike
her hair is wild fire
simmering vesuvias
or swaying fields of gold
majickally fluid
a realm of their own
has three components
connected by
a numinous umbilicus
beauteous
i love her
the child the schism
the chaisama of
opposing planes
the third movement of
kreutzer sonata
pious boundless
she is nibbana
my utter joy
mothergoddess
for her
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likes 9
reading list entries 2
comments 18
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re: J o y
13th Aug 2012 8:31pm
A joy to read this poem, as it always is with your pieces.
One little thing: "of aqua blue eyes". I feel this is too typical, or cliche, or boring. Normally this wouldn't bother me but it's the first line, and the first line usually sets the stage for your poem. I like the way you phrased the line, but "aqua blue eyes" - I've seen this way too many times before.
As for the rest of the poem: I want to call it sappy but it's so sappy in such a good way! It's nice to read something so feeling and that glows with such desire. It's very true.
I love funky diction and yours is exceptional.
Excellent work once again, Sumeet.
One little thing: "of aqua blue eyes". I feel this is too typical, or cliche, or boring. Normally this wouldn't bother me but it's the first line, and the first line usually sets the stage for your poem. I like the way you phrased the line, but "aqua blue eyes" - I've seen this way too many times before.
As for the rest of the poem: I want to call it sappy but it's so sappy in such a good way! It's nice to read something so feeling and that glows with such desire. It's very true.
I love funky diction and yours is exceptional.
Excellent work once again, Sumeet.
1
re: Re: J o y
13th Aug 2012 8:37pm
sublime
damn. glad you said it. 'aqua' was a last minute
alteration i made. i dont know why. regretted
it a bit, but somehow it seemed to have crept
up on its own. will concentrate hard on that
space and the right one will materialize.
thank you for your say, again. i needed it.
and for everything else. as always.
lovelight,
sumeet
damn. glad you said it. 'aqua' was a last minute
alteration i made. i dont know why. regretted
it a bit, but somehow it seemed to have crept
up on its own. will concentrate hard on that
space and the right one will materialize.
thank you for your say, again. i needed it.
and for everything else. as always.
lovelight,
sumeet
Re: J o y
13th Aug 2012 8:36pm
A beautiful treasure! A smile in my heart!
I am for the moment speechless.
Thank you!
I am for the moment speechless.
Thank you!
1
re: Re: J o y
13th Aug 2012 8:41pm
starlight
ha. there, it is. had not touched
it for weeks. suddenly found it and
it wrote itself on its own. there is
one more that survived my wrath. it
will be born someday again. they
all have to eventually.
at present i feel light. like a woman
post childbirth. light it is.
speechless is really bliss.:]
sumeet
ha. there, it is. had not touched
it for weeks. suddenly found it and
it wrote itself on its own. there is
one more that survived my wrath. it
will be born someday again. they
all have to eventually.
at present i feel light. like a woman
post childbirth. light it is.
speechless is really bliss.:]
sumeet
Re: J o y
13th Aug 2012 8:56pm
Another mad dash through hedonistic reserve, a weird an enviable discipline in your letting go. I think you could paint your face in the mud lording the flies but not without knowing that mud once nourished flowers.
0
re: Re: J o y
13th Aug 2012 9:11pm
baron
my good man.:] loved your take on this. made
me pause and smile. which is a great thing
considering the times. ah, mud nourishes a
lot more. sigh.
always a joy to have you around, brother.
x
sumeet
my good man.:] loved your take on this. made
me pause and smile. which is a great thing
considering the times. ah, mud nourishes a
lot more. sigh.
always a joy to have you around, brother.
x
sumeet
Re: J o y
i see a lady like you describe a goddess in slow mo dancing hide and seek behind tree in surreal harmony with the sonata
cantabile
cantabile
0
re: Re: J o y
13th Aug 2012 9:55pm
fred
hahhahahahahha. :]
ah, that was sheer joy. i love your
capability to hijack minds for a moment
and plant these self-customized images
you have within. i love the high.
thank you.
x
sumeet
hahhahahahahha. :]
ah, that was sheer joy. i love your
capability to hijack minds for a moment
and plant these self-customized images
you have within. i love the high.
thank you.
x
sumeet
re: re: Re: J o y
13th Aug 2012 10:23pm
re: re: re: Re: J o y
14th Aug 2012 3:41pm
Re: J o y
Anonymous
13th Aug 2012 10:04pm
Joy is the right name for this poem, which conveys joy through the adept words and phrases
placed in the right space and the right phrase.
Your ability to write poetry is demonstrated by your agility in word crafting.
Thank you for a good read.
Kitty
placed in the right space and the right phrase.
Your ability to write poetry is demonstrated by your agility in word crafting.
Thank you for a good read.
Kitty
0
re: Re: J o y
14th Aug 2012 3:49pm
kitty
good to see you. it has been a while.:]
thank you for the kind words. you
made me smile. joy, it is.
you are always welcome.
have a beautiful day. x
sumeet
good to see you. it has been a while.:]
thank you for the kind words. you
made me smile. joy, it is.
you are always welcome.
have a beautiful day. x
sumeet
Re: J o y
14th Aug 2012 10:20am
re: Re: J o y
14th Aug 2012 3:47pm
skillo2020
thank you for stopping by
this corner of DU. glad it
had that effect.
hope to see more of you.
x
sumeet
thank you for stopping by
this corner of DU. glad it
had that effect.
hope to see more of you.
x
sumeet
Re: J o y
To me I see in this beautiful poem shining echoes of the goddesses whom I revere in my spiritual beliefs... Sophia, Ishtar, Aurora, and others.
Mother Goddess indeed! Powerful stuff, my friend, and very unique style too. I enjoyed it immensely. Joyful does not even begin to describe the frenzied, ecstatic tone of this great work! Thanks for writing it, and of course for sharing it with us as well.
Mother Goddess indeed! Powerful stuff, my friend, and very unique style too. I enjoyed it immensely. Joyful does not even begin to describe the frenzied, ecstatic tone of this great work! Thanks for writing it, and of course for sharing it with us as well.
0
re: Re: J o y
17th Aug 2012 3:22am
jessica
such joy to have you here again. and you
have chosen a special place to wander about
and leave your imprints. warms my heart.:]
thank you for everything you had to say.
mother goddess indeed. yes.
you have me smiling here.
light,
sumeet
such joy to have you here again. and you
have chosen a special place to wander about
and leave your imprints. warms my heart.:]
thank you for everything you had to say.
mother goddess indeed. yes.
you have me smiling here.
light,
sumeet
Re: J o y
Anonymous
28th Sep 2012 3:44am
Perfect title, enjoyed!
0
re: Re: J o y
28th Sep 2012 3:55am
mememe
:] glad to see you 'round here.
thank you for stopping by.
yes, the title is the key, you see.
much love
sumeet
:] glad to see you 'round here.
thank you for stopping by.
yes, the title is the key, you see.
much love
sumeet