Wilted Flower

Cool. Sad
But it's not really my taste. To woe is me.
But I'm one in a trillion people lol

So sweet of you to leave me a comment! Thank you for being my first! :)
You were very gentle with me!

Im new at writing too. I love it. Short but very strong. You should check mine out :) I follow you you follow me?

Sounds like a plan! Thanks!

This isn't my type of writing, but I did like it (:

Thank you!

Hi, alias_Grace :)

I've got a little bit of crit for you, take it or leave it:

1. Title it. "My first poem!" is not the title your poem deserves. A title can be the factor that has a reader decide whether to view your poem. Frankly, "My first poeem!" makes your poem sound juvenile and something not to be taken seriously, which is opposite to what your piece really is.

2. Your poem is blunt and to the point. This can be good, but normally, only in moderation. I understand this could be difficult because your poem is so short, but short + blunt is a difficult thing to pull off. I think it would be good to see a metaphorical aspect to your poem.

This could be argued as "not poetry" because it lacks poetic devices and is, very plainly, four simple lines. However, I would not go as far as to say it isn't poetry because I see true riddle behind the poem. There is almost a tragic sort of air to this, as well as one that could really make the reader think with a little tweaking.

I see true potential here, Ms. Grace :) Just keep working on this. I'll be back to check out some of your future poems.

Thank you for great advice!
I will find a title and think on your comment.

great poem, if you read the outlaw book of poems their are alot shortier one then your's keep writing

Cool! Thank you!

Hi!

I am new to poetry also, so I don't have that much to offer, but I will do my best.

1. I agree with Sublime. Title it.

2. In such a short poem, you should avoid obvious words like "hit", "hard", "hurt".

"He hit me hard" is not creative and therefore not poetic.
Maybe come up with a different way to say that.

An example I use sometimes:
Today I cried
or
Today, translucent jewels fell from my eyes.

Which sounds more poetic?

3. Metaphors and similes can help a lot, especially in such a small poem.

I like the end, "he bought me flowers", so matter of fact, like that is supposed to fix everything, the end. Good stuff there.

Keep writing and keep asking and keep reading. You've got it in you. :)

Your new? That's crazy! Your great!

Thank you for reading me. WOW! I will think what you said. Promise!

Nothing wrong with minimalist writing such as this.  
 
It points the reader in the direction their own imagination takes them without ever spelling things out.  
 
It's as if the beauty is almost created through its own ambiguity.  
 
But bear in mind that the pitfalls when writing a very short poem are greater, because one poor word choice can sink the whole thing.
 
So remembering that no poem is ever finished only abandoned by its owner let's look at this a line at a time.
 
I would change your title to "Wilted" - which is far more suggestive & you don't need another flower echo anyway.
 
L1 - Is there a juicier verb you could use rather than hit?
 
L2 "hurt like hell" is unoriginal - a cliche that I'm sure you can improve on.
 
L3 "I said sorry" is the anchor of the poem - without that everything collapses, so best not touch it.
 
L4 Here I'd spill the beans and tell what sort of flowers, avoiding the obvious like roses, but choosing very carefully indeed. Remember, this is the last word of your poem and in a short piece that can be the most precious.
 
Hope something here^ helps.
Read Bukowski & if you wanna be a poet on the internet grow a thick skin quick - not everyone is "nice".
 
Best ~ Abra

Okay. I will take your advice, thank you so much!!! :D

im new to poetry too just write how you feel
explore all emotions it's a lot of fun:)

I think I will have lots of fun! Thanks!

For your first try I think you've done well. I see some wonderful tips from  accomplished writers  above. There is nothing I can add to them.

best of luck in your future writings.

I am so glad to know you now. You are to sweet! Thank you for your help!

I'm going to agree with Abra the most....

Also, I want to take another slant.

The number of words is not really the issue (Pound, Haiku, e. e. cummings...); it's having a pivotal point around which you must deal with something that is critical to you that is demanded.

And this IS here and has not been mentioned:  To me you can work on form and structure all day, after you have this critical piece, a reason to write it in the first place.

He hit me hard…you were abused.  
It hurt like hell…..you were damaged by this.  
I said sorry….so why are you still in a relationship with someone who does not value you as a human being and then on top of that you are the one to apologize?  Oh, no….  
He bought flowers….and then to sweep it all under the rug, make up gifts.  Ah, no…and yet-

This is exactly the subtlety that is crushing generations of women in relationships and keeping them from having the self-respect and sense of partnership they need to own.

This is, however understated in its simplicity, a crushing indictment of our society in that no one stood up and said something about this. It is so common that we just let it go by.  This is what poetry does; it sneaks in the front door, pounds on your head while you are asleep in your taking life for granted, and it says, "WAKE UP!"  And that is why this is a poem that deserves to be here as it is, IMHO.  runningturtle87
 

In my opinion your poem was wonderful. Everyone has there own style! I'm new too so don't worry. :)