Untouchable

Rachel, wow...the imagery here is amazing, I have a visual immediately as I read this.  

Thanks Levi. Always great to have you stop by. :)

The 1st stanza is a nightmare to imagine.

Your minimalist approach works very well. You are the most diverse poet I've read here.

Haha, it is only because I don't know what I am doing that makes me seem diverse.

I like the compliment anyway though. :)

Thank you for your feed back Ken, as always it is a pleasure.

It sounds like some of the nightmares I have had. Vivid imagery with much held in few words. Nicely penned and expressed. :)

Thank you Magdalena. I truly appreciate your kind words. They mean a lot. :)

I'm not sure what this poem is about. It's too ambiguous and not in a thought provoking way. Yet there is something here that I like.  
 
Verse 1 - lines 2 and 3 say the same thing. The repetition of ideas adds nothing good.  
 
Verse 2 - I am not sure what the aqua swirls reference is? Why did you choose aqua? Is it symbolic of anything? To me aqua is in contrast to the rest of the imagery. Black, grey, khaki even, would be more fitting with the tone conveyed as opposed to a bright colour like aqua.  
 
Verse 3 - Why are you being punished?  
 
Verse 4 - First line repeated in previous verse. I'm still not understanding the underlying messages here. On the surface this comes across as a poem with pretty words but no underlying depth, though having followed your writing I know there is a deeper meaning here.  
 
Apologies if this is a little harsh. I wouldn't have commented if I didn't see anything here that I didn't like. Right now I see bones and this could be something much more, it just needs a bit of fleshing out.  
 
Peace, Indie

I appreciate this kind of feed back tremendously.  
 
Verse 1 - Wow, you are right, repetition does nothing for it, and it now sounds awful to me. Fixed.  
 
Verse 2 - I thought about it not fitting as well. My train of thought - what does the inside of a coffin look like? "Aqua swirls" refers to the satin on the inside of a coffin. Maybe smell like? Rose pedals for the roses one might be buried with. I wanted her to be surrounded by something beautiful. Then untouchable.  
 
Verse 3 - The reason - She screwed up. Now she is suffering the consequences of it. Everything around her that is beautiful, that she once could touch, she no longer can. She is dead to the world around her, and therefore feels dead her self.  
 
She made her bed and now has to lie in it kind of thing.  
 
I see now though, how this is sparse. I will come back to it in a few days and add more meat to it, to make it more understandable.  
 
I am grateful for your honesty.  
I also appreciate this comment, "though having followed your writing I know there is a deeper meaning here".  
There is always deeper meaning and if it doesn't come out, I want someone to tell me.  
 
Thanks for your time, Indie

Rachel- Nice poem--more to it than meets the eye!

Strider :)

Thank you Strider, much appreciated. :)

I like the way you have used few words and simple form to approach and explore such a heavy topic-not an easy thing to do..especially for me..LOL..I really enjoyed this one Rachel-well done, Peace, Miki

Thank you Miki. I appreciate that! :)
So glad you stopped by.

Wow very deep. Very. It's a poem many can relate to. I love them kind of poems

Awesom Gigi. Thanks a bunch! It sucks that you can relate. But I am glad t came across to you.
Thanks for stopping by. :)

Rachel great imagery..it seems like you are depressed about some thing which I can definately relate to..peace Crim

Aww Crim, I'm sorry you can relate :-/

Glad you stopped by though, thanks so much for your kind words :)

Wow loaded with double entendre, a very clever and profound piece.

"double entendre"
I like that!

Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving such a great comment. I appreciate that. :D

I think you should change the first semi colon to a colon and remove all other punctuation, seperating L8 from 9 and 10 to indicate a pause. Because it isn't used consistently, in a series of grammatical sentences, all the punctuation does is disturb your flow. Also, I think you mean "petals" in L4.
One last thing: I don't think you need "decaying" in L10.
All critique is JMHO. Your images are strong and this poem has a lot of promise. Thanks for the read.

Great advice Jack, thanks, aww petals, should have caught that.

Thank you so much for your time, it is much appreciated.

the satin lining of the coffin morbidly comfortable this poem brought me back to funerals of the past and reminded me of my own mortality lol . awsome poetry!!!

Thank you!