deepundergroundpoetry.com
Said a Sagittarius to the waves
my dreams always insist
i kiss you goodbye
[bastard subconscious]
and i resent
it
but
it
[we]
were already filed and classified
by
the rotation of Saturn
where the sun shone
at which degrees the planets sat
at the hours of our births
my sun:
the yang archer had me hit
before i even met you
balanced my fire
with your roughly settled elements
set me
like
the stubborn fucking stars
that do not
move
for anyone
Saturn's intrusion
on our stone-step path to
a rather adventurous zen
says that
our steam power
could
send us flying
but
i
[bastard subconscious]
will catch
on practicalities:
consideration
for someone else
and because this shit
is supposedly foretold
i'm more keen
to smash it
really
to man the death star
and blast Saturn back to dust
but maybe
the mapping/watching/scrying/prediction
is all just
children
playing hopscotch with the cosmos
landing confidently on the numbers
that make most sense to their feet
and i am quite complete, after all*
____________________________________
*"This position indicates that you are somehow more complete as a partnership
than as individuals." - a free compatibility analysis
Thanks to childowind for the awesome audio - http://tindeck.com/listen/zahy
i kiss you goodbye
[bastard subconscious]
and i resent
it
but
it
[we]
were already filed and classified
by
the rotation of Saturn
where the sun shone
at which degrees the planets sat
at the hours of our births
my sun:
the yang archer had me hit
before i even met you
balanced my fire
with your roughly settled elements
set me
like
the stubborn fucking stars
that do not
move
for anyone
Saturn's intrusion
on our stone-step path to
a rather adventurous zen
says that
our steam power
could
send us flying
but
i
[bastard subconscious]
will catch
on practicalities:
consideration
for someone else
and because this shit
is supposedly foretold
i'm more keen
to smash it
really
to man the death star
and blast Saturn back to dust
but maybe
the mapping/watching/scrying/prediction
is all just
children
playing hopscotch with the cosmos
landing confidently on the numbers
that make most sense to their feet
and i am quite complete, after all*
____________________________________
*"This position indicates that you are somehow more complete as a partnership
than as individuals." - a free compatibility analysis
Thanks to childowind for the awesome audio - http://tindeck.com/listen/zahy
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 25
reading list entries 9
comments 36
reads 1663
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Said a Saggitarius to the waves
8th Jul 2012 3:25pm
re: Re: Said a Saggitarius to the waves
8th Jul 2012 6:54pm
Re: Said a Saggitarius to the waves
I can't help smiling when someone references Star Wars.
The children playing hopscotch was a bit of lovely and brilliant imagery. I could see it in my [bastard imagination]. That whole stanza spoke with depth by analogy. Great stuff, Jesta. I would like to ask one thing, though. Why did you separate the lines the way you did? Especially the last line of the first stanza? To me having the 'it' hanging there disrupts the flow. But if I'm missing intention I'd love to hear your thoughts.
The children playing hopscotch was a bit of lovely and brilliant imagery. I could see it in my [bastard imagination]. That whole stanza spoke with depth by analogy. Great stuff, Jesta. I would like to ask one thing, though. Why did you separate the lines the way you did? Especially the last line of the first stanza? To me having the 'it' hanging there disrupts the flow. But if I'm missing intention I'd love to hear your thoughts.
1
re: Re: Said a Saggitarius to the waves
8th Jul 2012 6:59pm
hah, yeeeah. glad you caught that. maybe i should capitalize it?
the hanging 'it'... now, this is just [almost]pure whorish vanity because Buk does it, and the way i had my stanza set up the first time, there was an 'it' both above and below the 'but' of the second stanza. so it's mostly playing with the look rather than the flow.
at the same time, i liked that it made me pause; i liked the interruption, partly because of the main issue the narrator has with Saturn, that the planet has interrupted a pattern that could have been perfect. so i left
it. [:
thank you much for the thoughtful comment, my friend. [:
the hanging 'it'... now, this is just [almost]pure whorish vanity because Buk does it, and the way i had my stanza set up the first time, there was an 'it' both above and below the 'but' of the second stanza. so it's mostly playing with the look rather than the flow.
at the same time, i liked that it made me pause; i liked the interruption, partly because of the main issue the narrator has with Saturn, that the planet has interrupted a pattern that could have been perfect. so i left
it. [:
thank you much for the thoughtful comment, my friend. [:
re: re: Re: Said a Saggitarius to the waves
8th Jul 2012 7:22pm
Re: Said a Saggitarius to the waves
Anonymous
8th Jul 2012 5:37pm
Damn those "Stubborn f'ing stars!!!"
Nice write Jestalessa....
Strider :)
Nice write Jestalessa....
Strider :)
0
re: Re: Said a Saggitarius to the waves
8th Jul 2012 7:02pm
i know, right?
fuckin' set in stone, except not... hanging on invisible bloody physics!
haha, thanks for reading, Strider. [:
fuckin' set in stone, except not... hanging on invisible bloody physics!
haha, thanks for reading, Strider. [:
Re: Said a Saggitarius to the waves
8th Jul 2012 7:42pm
'but
i
[bastard subconscious]
will catch
for practicalities:
consideration
of someone else
and because this shit
is supposedly foretold
i'm more keen
to smash it
really'
Fabulous. This entire piece inhales intellect and electricity. I truly enjoyed this throughout. Well done, J.
i
[bastard subconscious]
will catch
for practicalities:
consideration
of someone else
and because this shit
is supposedly foretold
i'm more keen
to smash it
really'
Fabulous. This entire piece inhales intellect and electricity. I truly enjoyed this throughout. Well done, J.
0
re: Re: Said a Saggitarius to the waves
8th Jul 2012 10:19pm
it's a beautiful feeling to have you comment in such a fashion, LA. thank you. [:
Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
9th Jul 2012 00:52am
This is everything. You're giving me everything in this, every single thing.
0
re: Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
brilliant! glad to be of any use to that creative mind of yours, thank you [:
Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
9th Jul 2012 1:06am
Damn you, woman (the fact that you can mix anything up and still come up with glitter and chocolate is just a testament to your skill). Damn ya.. And that bastard subconscious..(tricky little needles, those) ;)
A pleasure to read, Ma'am!
A pleasure to read, Ma'am!
0
re: Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
haha! glitter n' chocolate... damn, you're so right... i should really exercise some badassness once in a while. :D thank you so much, m'lady, it is lovely to have you by. (no, like REALLY lovely) [:
Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
9th Jul 2012 9:03am
The scattering form works really well with its content. Quite an abrasive yet concise little nebula.
The image of children playing hopscotch is probably more fact than fiction, who decided what and why anyway?
Anyway,
lovely, raw constellation and definitely you. :)
The image of children playing hopscotch is probably more fact than fiction, who decided what and why anyway?
Anyway,
lovely, raw constellation and definitely you. :)
1
re: Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
9th Jul 2012 9:17am
ah, Mr. A... i thought this one's little turn on the catwalk would rub someone the right way and you were the quickest to spot it on the competition! always like to see what you got out of a piece, so thank you, m'dear. [:
Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
a fine
Jestalessian
ode to the
stars/cosmos[es?]
noOne decides any what/why...'it' takes care of 'itsElf' fine wit'out anyOne's interfere'ant interpretation. Jus'let th'kiddies hop & scotch...no anal'ysis necessary
peaceUp(&down)dear beauty.......
Jestalessian
ode to the
stars/cosmos[es?]
noOne decides any what/why...'it' takes care of 'itsElf' fine wit'out anyOne's interfere'ant interpretation. Jus'let th'kiddies hop & scotch...no anal'ysis necessary
peaceUp(&down)dear beauty.......
0
re: Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
9th Jul 2012 2:09pm
thank you! i admit, it is fun to watch them analyze [:
always grateful for the stop'byes
peace'in(&Out) my friend.
always grateful for the stop'byes
peace'in(&Out) my friend.
Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
9th Jul 2012 6:55pm
You show signs of being a fine poet. Do you do and re-do your poems? Over and over again? Just one remark, for what it's worth: how can you be "quite complete" when you call your "subconscious," which is only trying to show you love, by so many nasty names?
0
re: Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
9th Jul 2012 7:20pm
"nasty names"...there's alotta stuff in thee subconscious, unconscious, preconscious that doesn't fit our pre'conceptions of 'love'....th'more wee try t'pin it down & 'name' it, when our egos won't let us access it, the sillier wee be....human fooly folly.......
maybe the 'nasty names' is morelike soCalled 'tongue-in-cheek'ness, simply&wellcrafted 'self-effacing humor...
jeez, what am i babbling about...eye didn't write it. never mind. make like i deleted this/ just consider it a wildhaired paradoxymoronism
maybe the 'nasty names' is morelike soCalled 'tongue-in-cheek'ness, simply&wellcrafted 'self-effacing humor...
jeez, what am i babbling about...eye didn't write it. never mind. make like i deleted this/ just consider it a wildhaired paradoxymoronism
1
re: Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
well, i'm not sure what you mean, asking if i do and re-do my poems... but there's a lot of editing and re-thinking, if that's what you mean. sometimes before i post and sometimes after. [:
and as for the more philosophical point, i was trying to imply with that last sentence that the narrator didn't feel complete, but she's open to the idea that she may be even if she doesn't feel it, based on the ending thought that astrology is bollocks. and... the 'nasty names' was mainly to do with a somewhat lighthearted frustration at this subconscious mind that's been influenced (consistent with the astrological theory she was assuming during the first part) by the position of Saturn. it won't let this couple work out, even in her dreams.
i hope that doesn't sound arrogant or anything, it's just how i was thinking while writing. thank you for reading thoughtfully; it's rewarding to hear it evoked some brain reaction. [:
and as for the more philosophical point, i was trying to imply with that last sentence that the narrator didn't feel complete, but she's open to the idea that she may be even if she doesn't feel it, based on the ending thought that astrology is bollocks. and... the 'nasty names' was mainly to do with a somewhat lighthearted frustration at this subconscious mind that's been influenced (consistent with the astrological theory she was assuming during the first part) by the position of Saturn. it won't let this couple work out, even in her dreams.
i hope that doesn't sound arrogant or anything, it's just how i was thinking while writing. thank you for reading thoughtfully; it's rewarding to hear it evoked some brain reaction. [:
Comment
Anonymous
9th Jul 2012 10:36pm
Beautiful way of putting words onto a page.
Wonderful work :)
Wonderful work :)
0
re: Comment
9th Jul 2012 11:43pm
Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
10th Jul 2012 11:53pm
People born under this sign can be described as adventurers, always in need for space and independency. Many of them are afraid to be tamed and they constantly crave for new experiences
afraid to be tamed maybe? is what it means to me
realy nice work :o)
afraid to be tamed maybe? is what it means to me
realy nice work :o)
1
re: Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
11th Jul 2012 8:06am
hey, yes! one aspect here is that this a lot of people under this sign don't like boundaries, and being able to be put in a tidy box like that makes them a little rebellious (or very).
thank you for your feedback, it is always appreciated. [:
thank you for your feedback, it is always appreciated. [:
Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
12th Jul 2012 9:10am
re: Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
12th Jul 2012 9:20am
haha, i'm glad you saw it! great having you stop by, sir. muchas gracias. [:
Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
17th Jul 2012 1:05pm
ahh the stars, and how we connect to them. personally I think that it's because there isn't an atom in our body that wasn't at one stage sent hurtling to earth by a type 1a supernova.
you see we are all stardust.
There is jesta written all over this poem from the start and it pulses colors like a distant nebula.
really fantastical writing Jesta, fair play
you see we are all stardust.
There is jesta written all over this poem from the start and it pulses colors like a distant nebula.
really fantastical writing Jesta, fair play
0
re: Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
18th Jul 2012 8:50am
thank you so much! it was a flip-flopping, where the narrator seems to think there's something to it, but her rationalized mind is sure it isn't so. you could be right about the stardust. excellent theory if i do say so myself. [:
glad you enjoyed it, Eamon. thanks for stopping by to leave some feedback. [:
glad you enjoyed it, Eamon. thanks for stopping by to leave some feedback. [:
Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
27th Jul 2012 9:06am
Okay, so I have read this out loud like 7 times in a row because it just feels so good in my mouth. I don't really know why that is.
Is there a difference between stage and page poetry? Absolutely. But a really great poem can be either. And this is a really, really great poem. I loves it muches.
Is there a difference between stage and page poetry? Absolutely. But a really great poem can be either. And this is a really, really great poem. I loves it muches.
0
re: Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
27th Jul 2012 9:33am
Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
4th Aug 2012 9:00am
This poem right here is drenched in awesomesauce. It's brilliant. I also read it aloud. Very good poem.
0
re: Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
4th Aug 2012 10:53am
i hear awesomesauce tastes exactly like Marmite. love it or loathe it. [:
thank you much for reading. [:
thank you much for reading. [:
Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
7th Aug 2012 9:57pm
Nicely done poem. Very perceptive and actually complex. But I don't understand why, in the poem, the "subconscious" is a "bastard?" The "subconscious," as I understand it, is loving you by bringing into mind, often when you sleep, but there are other ways the "subconscious" works, situations, people, circumstances, and so on, which would cause unease, to put it mildly, when you are awake. But the "subconscious" eventually brings to consciousness (reveals itself) what you permit it. Is that right? Your poetry is filled with excellent metaphors and a firm grasp of the material you present. Thank you for sharing it with me.
marcella1
marcella1
0
re: Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
8th Aug 2012 4:50pm
you're probably right, marcella, and i do thank you for coming back for this one. [:
i was mainly referring to the subconscious as an irritant because it doesn't let this narrator even dream that these two could stay together. she believes (or maybe believes) that the stars/planets have predicted this or had some influence over it, so she's just annoyed mostly, that she's been put in this box that her own mind won't let her break out of.
i hope that's clearer. thanks again [:
i was mainly referring to the subconscious as an irritant because it doesn't let this narrator even dream that these two could stay together. she believes (or maybe believes) that the stars/planets have predicted this or had some influence over it, so she's just annoyed mostly, that she's been put in this box that her own mind won't let her break out of.
i hope that's clearer. thanks again [:
Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
5th Dec 2012 8:30pm
Hello there. This is the 3rd piece i've read and I hadn't known how to comment so I my as well tell you that I have never read anyone like you. It's a beauty all by it's self. So different than any poetry i've ever read. It's beautiful like you write the most sensual erotica about the earth and waters and the kind of beauties that take us to our human side and make me wanna reach for a part of me i've never met before. I can't call it. Beyond amazing. Thank you so much for taking the time to read me i'm honored.
0
re: Re: Said a Sagittarius to the waves
6th Dec 2012 4:02pm
i wasn't sure how to respond to that extremely flattering comment, so i'll just have to say thank you so much... the biggest compliment is to know someone was affected by this stuff, so really, thank you.
and i don't know how i could miss your writing. you're pretty prolific around here, in case you haven't noticed! [:
and i don't know how i could miss your writing. you're pretty prolific around here, in case you haven't noticed! [: