the big day

tomorrow is weird for me; I've always wanted to be celebrated, like hello, its me and MY day. but between spring break and unintentional friends, it was usually only an important day if I made it important. so two years ago, I decided to properly celebrate myself. on my day, I'd only do stuff for me.
 
that first year I spent three weeks completing a childhood goal of mine, gallivanting around Europe like I saw in the movies growing up.
 
and last year, I spent three days, the day before and after, bouncing around towns only doing things that made me happy.
 
hindsight being what it is, I see now;
 
two years ago I was so sure of peoples disinterest in celebrating me and my day, I ran away for three weeks and didnt give them the chance, whether they wanted to or not.
 
but I was 30, it was my prerogative.
 
but also, last year, I was so scared of how people would acknowledge me, it. I silenced my phone so if no one remembered, or just the randos who never talked to me on a regular basis remembered, I wouldn't spend the whole day waiting. for the right people, to remember the right way, at the right time.  
 
tomorrow is weird for me; I've spent years downplaying it, but it's really important to me.