these city streets (and 20 years)

1. 2004 Winter
Nineteen
a lady gave me her neon yellow sweater
on my way out of detox
she heard I was about to be homeless
and didn't want me to be frozen
to the spit stained pavement
before I had a chance
to live through the night

The detox centre
didn't care where I ended up
my week was over
and the rest was up to me
I'd been turned down
by 3 rehab centres that day
and didn't know where
I was going to sleep

I cried into fuzzy yellow
and made frenzied phone calls
a handful of wrong turns
and one important missed call later
I hit redial at 5:03pm
hoping like fuck the one
number I had hadn't closed
for the night

Three hours and
one hungry train ride later
I had a bed in a women's shelter  

I kept that sweater
for more years that I wore it

2. 2025 Summer
I try not to be an asshole
but I can't help every homeless person
who needs money
so when my heart hurts too much
I turn my eyes away
and curse our government
curse out society
curse myself for choosing not to look
at things that look like my past life

She stopped me
not caring that I had heaphones on
said, "sister, I'm pregnant and homeless
could you spare $10 so I can get
a sandwich and a drink"
I wasn't sure I had any cash
but rummaged through my bag
till I found a crumpled $10 bill

I stayed to chat to her
in the middle of the sidewalk
I said, "I was pregnant
and homeless once
I understand"
she asked me my age
and what my life was like now
looked at me like I was an inspiration
when I think I was just lucky

She told me about the interview
she's got next week
for a share house
sounded so hopeful
she wouldn't have to stay
locked down to these city streets
that don't care

We swapped names
she shook my hand
and I wished her luck
knowing I won't seeing her again
but still hoping she finds
her way to a better life