A Shrunken Head For Xmas

If you want to add spice to your living room decor,
Then continue reading and see what's in-store

Maybe you have an enemy you would love to see dead
Maybe a special friend/lover who annoys you to no end
If so, then read these instructions on how to shrink someone's head

Step 1- Find a head. peel the skin away from the skull (hair and all) Sew the eye and mouth openings closed (to trap the soul inside so it won't haunt you) Turn the head inside out. Scrape away the fat using a sharp knife.

Step 2- Cook the head. Add jungle herbs to a pot of water and bring to a boil. Add the head and simmer for one to two hours. Remove the head from the water. (I would advise to cook this outside. I made the mistake of cooking my wife's head in the kitchen and goddamn the house reeked of a pungent death stench!)

Step 3- Shrink the head. Fill the head with hot stones, rolling it constantly to prevent scorching. Repeat with smaller and smaller pebbles as the head shrinks. (This is the fun part) Mold the facial features between each step. (I gave my wife such an ugly facial expression because, she was always yelling and bitching about something)

Step 4- Give the head a facial (Guys, not a cumshot!) Hang the head over a fire to dry. Once dry, polish it with ashes. Moisturize with berries to prevent the head from cracking. Sew the neck hole closed and trim the hair. Now you're ready to impale it on a post and stick it anywhere you'd like. (Placing it in the yard may have birds and other wildlife destroying it) Somewhere in the house is what I suggest. It's always a great conversation piece when friends & family come over.
A great gift for this holiday season!
Any questions you know where you can reach me.
VOI