deepundergroundpoetry.com
Hate for the Hater
Such sharp words slice my confidence down
however, I will not now- nor ever- let you see me frown.
Hate flows through your veins as if it were a necessity.
Most need blood, oxygen, and food to live- you need pleads.
Pleads for mercy or for forgiveness
because you like to make it appear you are the center of everyone's happiness.
When in reality you are the poison that kills so many things
starting and ending with all my dreams.
I seek paradise every night and day
and I find it once you are away.
You have become what I hope to never be
you are what I will never be.
Being in your presence alone is tiring
walking away from you is, oh so, inspiring.
You may think you win battles every day
but just wait karma will make you pay.
With a smile upon my face,
I'll see you to your place.
however, I will not now- nor ever- let you see me frown.
Hate flows through your veins as if it were a necessity.
Most need blood, oxygen, and food to live- you need pleads.
Pleads for mercy or for forgiveness
because you like to make it appear you are the center of everyone's happiness.
When in reality you are the poison that kills so many things
starting and ending with all my dreams.
I seek paradise every night and day
and I find it once you are away.
You have become what I hope to never be
you are what I will never be.
Being in your presence alone is tiring
walking away from you is, oh so, inspiring.
You may think you win battles every day
but just wait karma will make you pay.
With a smile upon my face,
I'll see you to your place.
Published 19th May 2012
| Edited 29th May 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
23rd May 2012 5:11am
Hullo Tara.
Ok you have some intense feelings tangled in this write and that is a good thing.
There are some real good couplets in there, I can feel the fluidity that you have instilled into it but it stops and starts a little. (you'll get better at that soon enough)
What might help may be some line breaks.The AA-BB scheme that you use limits the breaks to sets of two lines so either four lines then a break or if you can mix it up a bit (depending on the content) you could try four -two -four etc
You are getting the hang of the rhyming schemes now so i'd love to see you try something less mainstream like free verse or just un rhyming you might surprise yourself.
check 'Vane' i think you might mean vein.
I think you are making the right noises and look forward to seeing more.
shine on !
Ok you have some intense feelings tangled in this write and that is a good thing.
There are some real good couplets in there, I can feel the fluidity that you have instilled into it but it stops and starts a little. (you'll get better at that soon enough)
What might help may be some line breaks.The AA-BB scheme that you use limits the breaks to sets of two lines so either four lines then a break or if you can mix it up a bit (depending on the content) you could try four -two -four etc
You are getting the hang of the rhyming schemes now so i'd love to see you try something less mainstream like free verse or just un rhyming you might surprise yourself.
check 'Vane' i think you might mean vein.
I think you are making the right noises and look forward to seeing more.
shine on !
29th May 2012 00:23am
Thank you for your feedback! I really appreciate it and will keep it in mind when I am writing again! XD
