deepundergroundpoetry.com
Erotic Senses- Hearing
Bed creaking,
quietly rhythmic
The sounds of sex
through thin wallboard
Muffled voices
“Feels so…”
“Quiet, my roommate
……
home……”
“Ohh…..
Yes,
Like that”
“Oh,
Like That, Just Like That”
“please, Please, PLease”
“uh, Uh, OOOO, PLEASE“
“Quiet, ohh”
“Harder “
“Oh, I don’t care”
“Just….
yes, oh, yesssss”
Bed frame
beating the rhythm
of twining bodies
against the wall.
Grinding against fingers
between thighs
Visions of tensed,
Intertwined bodies
in the next room.
Tip the balance
So the two
Become
Three
Riding the high
straining
ecstasy
quietly rhythmic
The sounds of sex
through thin wallboard
Muffled voices
“Feels so…”
“Quiet, my roommate
……
home……”
“Ohh…..
Yes,
Like that”
“Oh,
Like That, Just Like That”
“please, Please, PLease”
“uh, Uh, OOOO, PLEASE“
“Quiet, ohh”
“Harder “
“Oh, I don’t care”
“Just….
yes, oh, yesssss”
Bed frame
beating the rhythm
of twining bodies
against the wall.
Grinding against fingers
between thighs
Visions of tensed,
Intertwined bodies
in the next room.
Tip the balance
So the two
Become
Three
Riding the high
straining
ecstasy
Published 25th Oct 2024
Author's Note
So Styxian encouraged me to write some more- perhaps the kick in the butt I needed. I have been thinking about a series of poems. I am trying out an idea of describing sex using each sense - men often focus too much on sight so wanted to explore focusing on other senses. I think the ending is a bit cheesy and needs some work. Helpful critique would be appreciated. Does this capture a scene? How do you interpret the scene? Is it good erotica? Do you want to read the next instalment?
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comments 10
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
You call the last lines ;cheesy; but they heighten the eroticism of the piece. The two becoming three suggests the listener in the next room is getting emotionally and physically caught up in the sounds of the romping couple. Reminds me of a description of a scene in a novel (The Rude Awakening by Brian Aldiss, third in the Horatio Stubbs trilogy) where the central character eavesdropping on a lovemaking couple was that caught up he ended up coming in his jungle shorts.
25th Oct 2024 3:03pm
Dear S,
Thank you for taking time to read and comment. I liked the line “two become three “. It is the last lines “Riding the high, straining ecstasy “ that I am not quite satisfied with. I can’t quite understand why. I guess it feels a little an over used description of orgasm.
Thank you for taking time to read and comment. I liked the line “two become three “. It is the last lines “Riding the high, straining ecstasy “ that I am not quite satisfied with. I can’t quite understand why. I guess it feels a little an over used description of orgasm.
25th Oct 2024 1:08pm
I agree with Styxian. I think you do an excellent job with erotica because you include emotion and pay attention to detail.
I don't think it's cheesy at all. The imagery is vivid and tasteful.
I love the idea of using all senses and I'd like to see sight as the last sense used.
More please.
I don't think it's cheesy at all. The imagery is vivid and tasteful.
I love the idea of using all senses and I'd like to see sight as the last sense used.
More please.
25th Oct 2024 2:55pm
Dear H,
Thank you. I was actually planning to leave sight for last.
Stay tuned 😁
Thank you. I was actually planning to leave sight for last.
Stay tuned 😁
25th Oct 2024 2:29pm
25th Oct 2024 3:05pm
BRAVO! Thanks for reminding us of the beautiful reality that our senses contribute to making love; espcially hearing...WOW sounds. Hugs and love, Oral
27th Oct 2024 1:15am
Great idea!
What would the word be for hearing, like the word "voyeur" is for seeing?
Not eavesdropping, since the sounds wouldn't be exactly low volume!
At any rate, I love the ideas of this series. Yes, men are highly visual creatures, but that's only the initial sense, as the rest come into play. Sounds tell us a lot! Subtle signals. Yes?
Your audio depiction is awesome. Well captured from ear to pen!
What would the word be for hearing, like the word "voyeur" is for seeing?
Not eavesdropping, since the sounds wouldn't be exactly low volume!
At any rate, I love the ideas of this series. Yes, men are highly visual creatures, but that's only the initial sense, as the rest come into play. Sounds tell us a lot! Subtle signals. Yes?
Your audio depiction is awesome. Well captured from ear to pen!
27th Oct 2024 1:34am
Dear S,
Thank you. I have had some ideas rattling around in my head for a while and needed a little motivation to write them down.
The voyeuristic feeling was very intentional. I was trying to distinguish intentional voyeurism- seeking out others to observe and instances where voyeurism isn’t intended or intentional. I envisioned the roommate not having much of a choice about hearing what was happening in the next room and responded to it.
Thank you. I have had some ideas rattling around in my head for a while and needed a little motivation to write them down.
The voyeuristic feeling was very intentional. I was trying to distinguish intentional voyeurism- seeking out others to observe and instances where voyeurism isn’t intended or intentional. I envisioned the roommate not having much of a choice about hearing what was happening in the next room and responded to it.
27th Oct 2024 1:37am
27th Oct 2024 1:47am
You're welcome!
I am here to read good stuff. You deliver that. So many writers end up leaving for whatever reason.
Hopefully not for negative ones. I hear stories though...
I myself think about my end date here as well. So far the good outweighs the bad still. Count yourself in the good pile.
I am here to read good stuff. You deliver that. So many writers end up leaving for whatever reason.
Hopefully not for negative ones. I hear stories though...
I myself think about my end date here as well. So far the good outweighs the bad still. Count yourself in the good pile.
