ive always wondered

what falling in love was really like
i some people would dream of outlandish things
i always dreamt for something stable. just being content
building something with someone i trust
with a common goal
instead of only knowing how to struggle or being the only one that cared
the after affects of that have me emotionally stunted
i think i might of experienced real love once or twice
but it was always always destroyed by violence
driving a wedge between heart and my mind
seeing reality for what it was
- nothing-is what i am

as i flip through through my mental blackbook
each one was loved at the time for a different reason
never for any personal gain
but for who they were
or maybe just the side they let me see
either way - nothing is what i was

i have feelings to but im too gaurded to let them show
but i do know one thing
in ways i hate being alone
i dont even know who i am anymore

but lately i feel more mentally sound
i think my imaginary friends are helping me :)