4am breakdown

It's a 4am breakdown
silent crying on the couch
another night I can't sleep

I have a headache
my jaw is strained with tension
I thought about making camomile tea
but went with a decaf coffee instead
it's sitting undrunk on a side table

I've been trying to drown out
my mind with EDM
through my headphones
and brain is now a lonely party of one

I stare at the front door
and wonder what level of bravery
or cowardice it would take
for me to step outside
and walk me into a different life

A life where I can sleep
a life where my body doesn't ache
and stress headaches don't bury me
under the weight of them
on a daily basis

It's a 4am breakdown
I'm not doing anywhere
but when there's no one to see me cry
I allow myself the broken pipe dream
of different