The Realist Idealist

Keeping people at a distance is just what I do  
I've been pushing people away cuz they're just not you  
Telling everyone I'm ok but its just not true  
Can't change my outlook when I got just one view    
   
The constant ache inside of me has broken my will  
No matter how much I try to come to terms it hurts me still  
Like cutting my heart open and watching all of the blood spill  
Sick of people telling me that I just need to chill    
   
I had everything I ever wanted and I tossed it away  
Acting like they meant nothing made them not want to stay  
Even though in reality I never felt that way  
Showing how much I love people is hard to convey    
   
I've been a victim of twisted love so many times  
Love is the source and reason for so many crimes  
No matter how much you try push it down it steadily climbs  
You can see the fallout from it in nearly all of my rhymes    
   
Im scared to be vulnerable and open myself up to pain  
I think I can't lose anything but truth is I cant ever gain  
All it ever does is add another link to the chain  
That keeps me shackled in the darkest corner inside of my brain    
   
I keep making regrets that get added onto the pile  
While I walk around all day wearing this fake ass smile  
On the inside I'm constantly putting myself on trial  
Looking at myself in the mirror all I can do is revile    
   
I can never just open up and say what I feel  
At the same time I walk around claiming how I'm so real  
But the emotional side of me I always try to conceal  
So I end up all alone, just me and some fake ideal