My Favorite Nephews

My nephews came over for a July 4th BBQ
I forgot to child proof my basement
Down here is where I keep all of my tools, gadgets and accessories
Not tools like a hammer or pliers
Tools that I use when I write
Pencils, erasers, highlighters, scrap paper & an assortment of books and references
I encourage the kids to go downstairs because after an hour or so outside, they want to come in
I don't want them touching or going into my living room or dining room
I thought they would sit on the couch and watch tv or utilize their i-pads
I told my brother to please watch them
"Sure Keith, no problem"
Those little fuckers are three boys aged 10, 8 & 6
Old enough to take direction
Though I thought
Periodically I would peek downstairs and check on them, since my brother was to busy eating appetizers and drinking
Their mother is the same way
Two lard-asses!
By the third time I checked on them, I saw them running back to the couch as though they were doing something naughty
The fourth time I saw them running again to the couch
Now I decided to come downstairs
I said, "What are you fuckers doing?"
I go towards my desk and couldn't believe what I saw
They drew all over my drafts, breaking my pencils, found a box of crayons and began scribbling all over my newest story
They wrote in red & black crayon
"Uncle Keith is an asshole!!"
"We hate you!"
I was hurt, shocked, upset and I told their parents
What the story was about was the following:
I wrote about how annoying and irritating each one can be and how I should rectify the situation

The youngest one is a pain in the balls
Every little thing the kid whines
If he's hot, cold, hungry, full, tired doesn't want or like this or that
You get the idea
I decided what my solution would be to stop this permanently
Sever his vocal chords within his larynx

The middle guy looks like a small version of Chris Farley
No lie
That motherfucker eats me out of house & home
If you don't feed him he gets defiant and nasty
My solution for him was to chain him at one end of a room
At the other end of the room, a refrigerator stocked full of his favorite foods
Every so often I'd go down there and open the refrigerator so he can get a glimpse of what he can't eat
That would teach him a lesson

The oldest one is a real pecker
He loves baseball
Every time he wants to play and create teams, if certain people aren't on his team he's a sore loser and flips the fuck out
So I thought for the next time, when this occurs I'm going to take a bat to his legs and break them
Now he can't play ball anymore

I figured it out now on why they destroyed my story
I guess they didn't like what I said
The next time I write, I'll make sure I hide my drafts