melancholy (a letter to depression)

Hello, old friend  
I didn't miss you  
and no, I'm not happy  
that you've come to stay  
 
Your familiarity  
feels like home  
but you don't belong here  
anymore  
though I don't know  
how to banish you  
from my heart, my head  
my house  
 
I'd rather be homeless  
than have you hovering  
at my side
whispering old wounds
into my ear like a devil  
on my shoulder  
making the ordinary impossible  
and the impossible desirable  
 
I know you'll leave  
when you're good and ready  
but I don't have to pretend  
to be happy you're here  
as intangible as a ghost  
as heavy as the a mountain  
 
I'm never myself  
when you come to visit  
I'm never myself  
when you decide to stay  
and how I hate how  
you make me so much less  
when you claim my skin  
and decide to wear my body
as your own  
 
Hello, old friend  
I didn't miss you  
I'm counting down the days  
until you're gone