Complete indifference

"Good. I hope they're not mentally ill, so you don't discard of them later."

You tell me that they are, just like you.

"Even better. Now I know that I was never important to you. That maybe all you'll ever be for me was a fuck boi who screwed with me way too many times. But for someone else, you're the perfect soulmate."

I don't know what else will be a part of this conversation because it's all in my head anyway.

I know you'll probably never text me again, and I'm not holding my breath like I used to.

You love me when it's convenient for you. I'm just a second option, but I'm sure to someone else you'll drop everything for them. It hurts, and yeah, I'm pissed and have every right to be.

I don't hate myself like I used to for it. Otherwise, I'd be found in a god awful way, belt secured around my neck, finishing the job I almost completed once. And the worst part is that you wouldn't care.

I'm just a hole to plunge yourself into when you're lonely.

But I do hate you. And I will allow myself to hate you before I attempt to make that transition into complete indifference.

The part where I don't have to give a damn what happens to you. Neither wishing you well nor wishing you damnation.

In my eyes, you'll go to the realm of nothingness.

Where you belong.

And how I felt about you in the beginning before I got sucked into all this mess.