Mournfully, Mother

I wish I could remember your baby snuggles—
Every coo, every wiggle, every kiss.
Dissociation and my youthful foolishness
Stole away something I didn't think I'd miss.

I forgot to cherish those tiny feet
And the way your hand wrapped around my finger.
I didn't kiss the top of your head enough
While the newborn smell still lingered.

I'll never get those moments back,
And they haunt me in your little brother's eyes.
If I'd been less busy, less afraid, less sad...
Maybe I'd been woman enough to stay by your side.

My first born, my treasure, my baby girl...
What I'd give to hold you one more time.
I'd cradle you close and sing you to sleep,
Savoring those sweet memories of mine.

Years go by and we've both grown.
You're so tall, so beautiful, so smart...
Still, sometimes I look at you, and all I see
Is the tiny baby I carry in my heart.