numbered days

Nursing home  
smells like pee
and a mass grave  
of not yet dead corpses  
barely muted with bleach
 
Day 1 visit  
he doesn't talk much
just asks for another cup  
of ice cubes  
his granddaughter sneaks
him in some gummy bears  
 
Day 2 visit  
his autistic grandson  
fiddles with the light switches  
and runs off with the TV remote
we don't talk much  
as I try to quietly usher  
my son out the door  
 
Day 3 visit  
he asks about "the little fella"
like he didn't make him yell last time
I show him enlarged photos  
on my phone  
tell him how the kiddo  
is at home making pizzas  
with his dad
 
The thought makes my father smile
 
Day 4 visit  
I take him 2 plums  
no gummy bears today  
we talk about an old movie
he saw on TV that day  
it's the most words  
he's said to me in a year  
I promise to bring him  
a spy book  
next time I visit
his favourite genre
 
I hope he forgets  
 
Day 5 visit  
I sit in the car  
without going in  
 
I'm not sure what I'm doing here  
but I can't handle  
seeing him today