7x7

I muttered prayers
to open stars
on meth strained week-with-no-sleep
evenings trying to get some bearing
on what I wanted
 
stained clothes and icy pavements
melted asphalt in the summer
the stench of it cloying and thick
my own body caked in a miasma
of sweat and unclean
 
I opened my wrists to scrawl semantics
write to tear the demons of thought from my psyche try to make sense of what I am
where I came from
 
all the scars  
fractures and moments
are a kaleidoscope of broken
that were followed by addictions
 
finally allowed black tar to billow up from hollow collar bones
to spew on to a page
found the desire
to scratch hieroglyphs and stick figures
in uncouth English while colouring outside the lines
 
found love  
 
then broke my own heart
because I was always unsustainable at best
chaos and discombobulation
never knew when enough was enough
 
always been like that
 
I stare at shiny crystalline structures
crushed between my
gnarled fingers
glass statues that I turned to sand
I don’t know where to start
 
sorry isn’t nearly enough
probably never will be
and it’s all I’ve got