tension

 
painful detachment, it hurts too much
you inflict harm and with cold calculation you level pain
then you blame me for your rage

you had a hateful attitude towards women long before you met me
I'm not sure why you chose me
perhaps there was a brokenness you found useful,
a mean to an ends

God sent you to me I suppose to break me further
to test my heart and faith
perhaps to get in your way

you used me as your good guy cover
lash out us females then duck behind your veneer
I was on methadone so deep so not to know I was living

pushing and pulling me this way and that
abandoning me when I needed you most
breaking my heart year after year
You didn't want a beauty like me
you wanted a weapon to break your ex's heart

intimidating any who get in your way
my life has been a game to you, one of charades
I don't know who I'm dealing with from one moment to the next
you play mind games and manipulate

honesty my downfall

you formed each weapon to aim at my mind and heart
it's not enough for you to be cruel
I wish you well on your ventures
because the bottom line is that's all that matters to you
hopefully, it will last and someone else will take on your infamy

with my heart full of hope and God-given talent
I will make a way for myself
without the man-monster