Flood Warning

 
the day sacrificed itself to me
shifting in the moment from grey to blue
I hate the grey days
I was sullen inside and needed the sun

an internal storm was building inside of me
it was a flash flood warning
meaning I might cry

I held the feeling tight
shaking it off as it threatened rain
I was stoic not showing anything
but I felt it as an irrational fear

fear of everything and nothing
this world is beautiful but deadly
it hurts this place physically and mentally
to feel happiness is to know pain intimately

you got close to me
but I disassociate even my internal voice
so that it is someone else's hurt

I look at my emotions as suspended tears
flood warning I am about to feel
things that delusions can't fix
that a hug won't change

I have a false sense of security
I'm holding on
I will put my rose colored glasses on tomorrow
and pretend with the best of people
that everything is fine