deepundergroundpoetry.com
After cancer
I woke up today;
I woke up:
Surprised,
Thrilled,
Terrified.
But,
By the Grace of God,
I still woke.
I woke up:
Glad;
To be able to move,
And taste,
And think,
And hum,
And simply do
Many
Of the most
Pointless and inane
Delights
That humans do;
I woke up
Angry;
Angry at the state of the world;
That wars are,
That hunger persists,
That death is;
That my coworkers
Are so swift with their words,
So frivolous with their callous remarks;
That their wives
(Maybe the first,
Maybe the second),
Aren’t as starkly stunning
As on their wedding day
(Which many squandered early,
Anyway);
I woke,
Glad for the chance
To once again draw
The frigid winter air
Deep in to my lungs;
Glad, even,
For the cough
That was the result
Of my overzealous breath;
But,
I woke up today,
And,
I hope to,
Again, tomorrow.
I woke up:
Surprised,
Thrilled,
Terrified.
But,
By the Grace of God,
I still woke.
I woke up:
Glad;
To be able to move,
And taste,
And think,
And hum,
And simply do
Many
Of the most
Pointless and inane
Delights
That humans do;
I woke up
Angry;
Angry at the state of the world;
That wars are,
That hunger persists,
That death is;
That my coworkers
Are so swift with their words,
So frivolous with their callous remarks;
That their wives
(Maybe the first,
Maybe the second),
Aren’t as starkly stunning
As on their wedding day
(Which many squandered early,
Anyway);
I woke,
Glad for the chance
To once again draw
The frigid winter air
Deep in to my lungs;
Glad, even,
For the cough
That was the result
Of my overzealous breath;
But,
I woke up today,
And,
I hope to,
Again, tomorrow.
Published 30th Dec 2023
Author's Note
Four years after cancer, but the kind of cancer you want if you have to have it. Does that even make it valid?
(Side note: when you cannot taste, eating becomes a chore; I’m still trying to limp past that one)
(Side note: when you cannot taste, eating becomes a chore; I’m still trying to limp past that one)
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31st Dec 2023 1:06am
HAPPY 4 YEARS CANCER FREE !!!!!
Keep doing you, no matter what it takes. You’re still here.
I had thyroid cancer 2 years ago (and skin cancer last June). I was told that thyroid cancer was the best cancer to have if you were unfortunate enough to have cancer. Seriously?! There are so many things wrong with that….the resulting hypothyroidism was a fucking train wreck.
I lost my appetite for a year and everything tasted blah before I was diagnosed and I lost 103 pounds (yeah, I could stand to lose that much weight). When I finally did get my appetite back it was like discovering food for the first time. Not being able to taste food is a hardship that most cannot understand. I hope that someday this returns for you.
Thank you for this glimpse into the world you work so hard to hide, my friend.
Survivorship can be a curse and a blessing. Lean on the latter and the rest will fall into place.
Keep doing you, no matter what it takes. You’re still here.
I had thyroid cancer 2 years ago (and skin cancer last June). I was told that thyroid cancer was the best cancer to have if you were unfortunate enough to have cancer. Seriously?! There are so many things wrong with that….the resulting hypothyroidism was a fucking train wreck.
I lost my appetite for a year and everything tasted blah before I was diagnosed and I lost 103 pounds (yeah, I could stand to lose that much weight). When I finally did get my appetite back it was like discovering food for the first time. Not being able to taste food is a hardship that most cannot understand. I hope that someday this returns for you.
Thank you for this glimpse into the world you work so hard to hide, my friend.
Survivorship can be a curse and a blessing. Lean on the latter and the rest will fall into place.
31st Dec 2023 1:17am
Thank you, Her! This is very gracious of you.
Mine was also thyroid cancer, though I wonder daily now what my second might be. Most days I don’t get the sleep I need, and my appetite is often gone. I’ve ‘googled’ it, and depression plays in to thyroid issues as well. But I know I’m worse than that too, I’ve spent so many days trying to drown out several life losses with alcohol, and I know that’s a bad idea, but I’ve reached a point where I can’t stop.
Medication is constantly adjusting, and my work is downright ruthless for someone who can’t sleep. On the plus side, I’ve not gravitated toward meth :p
As far as survivorship is concerned, I think only us and some others truly understand this craziness. I’ve had so many people try and tell me they ‘get it,’ while never enduring even the smallest hindrance from it. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I’ve been having a very trying time lately.
Mine was also thyroid cancer, though I wonder daily now what my second might be. Most days I don’t get the sleep I need, and my appetite is often gone. I’ve ‘googled’ it, and depression plays in to thyroid issues as well. But I know I’m worse than that too, I’ve spent so many days trying to drown out several life losses with alcohol, and I know that’s a bad idea, but I’ve reached a point where I can’t stop.
Medication is constantly adjusting, and my work is downright ruthless for someone who can’t sleep. On the plus side, I’ve not gravitated toward meth :p
As far as survivorship is concerned, I think only us and some others truly understand this craziness. I’ve had so many people try and tell me they ‘get it,’ while never enduring even the smallest hindrance from it. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I’ve been having a very trying time lately.
31st Dec 2023 1:22am
I get it, totally. If you need an ear you can always DM me, I don’t mind. The offer is there.
It’s been 2 years and my medication is finally adjusted. It’s been a long road. And yes, it can make depression much worse. It can fuck up your whole life. This past August I survived a suicide attempt. I’m familiar with feeling like you can’t take anything more.
It’s been 2 years and my medication is finally adjusted. It’s been a long road. And yes, it can make depression much worse. It can fuck up your whole life. This past August I survived a suicide attempt. I’m familiar with feeling like you can’t take anything more.
I’m…struggling? TSH at my last visit was .02, down from about 1.2 last year. Not great for those of us who know.
I think I’m too cowardly to try and end myself, but my brain sure gives me some wild ideas.
I think I’m too cowardly to try and end myself, but my brain sure gives me some wild ideas.
31st Dec 2023 1:43am
One day at a time, my friend. Even if you have to segment it moment by moment. You’ll get there.
Keep writing out your demons. You have support here.
Keep writing out your demons. You have support here.
31st Dec 2023 1:47am
Thank you. I’m always writing, but it’s mostly garbage. Still, every little bit is a gain, I suppose.
31st Dec 2023 1:50am
Listen….I’m gonna do you a favor.
You’re a talented writer. I believe in your talent and I’m gonna hold onto that for you until you can believe it yourself. So, just write to get it out, post it and let me carry the rest. Deal?
You’re a talented writer. I believe in your talent and I’m gonna hold onto that for you until you can believe it yourself. So, just write to get it out, post it and let me carry the rest. Deal?
31st Dec 2023 1:53am
31st Dec 2023 1:54am
31st Dec 2023 6:25am
Dear TMW,
I was enthralled by this write, the repetition of “I woke” worked fabulously as a reminder for me, another day to try and get it right.
No one “gets it” unless they’ve had it. Sadly I usually have to flip these folks off in my mind. This is an outstanding piece and Cheers to another four!
H🌷
I was enthralled by this write, the repetition of “I woke” worked fabulously as a reminder for me, another day to try and get it right.
No one “gets it” unless they’ve had it. Sadly I usually have to flip these folks off in my mind. This is an outstanding piece and Cheers to another four!
H🌷
31st Dec 2023 12:21pm
3rd Jan 2024 11:26am
4th Jan 2024 8:58am
13th Jan 2024 5:48pm
Great write. It rings so true for me. I have seen the effects of cancer and treatment- even the loss of taste. 🌹
13th Jan 2024 10:39pm
