Blinded to the Smallness of your Existence

- dear john delivered in tears,    
a weeping and painful goodbye    
- funny how I didn't feel a thing    
as my heart was ripped out of my chest    
- I didn't feel for whole three days,    
expecting a call,    
or a simply message,    
telling me how much I was loved    
- waiting by the phone,    
staying up late and getting up early,    
in case the phone should ring    
but it never did,    
it will never ring again    
- only then did I know I wasn't loved anymore    
- I did call once,    
trying to feel loved,    
but insults were all I had to say,    
trying to hurt the one who hurt me,    
trying to make her mad    
- and that's how you make a fool of yourself    
* in case you ever need to know *    
- I'm losing parts of me,    
images, memories, feelings    
and an ache that was always with me,    
an ache to be close to her    
- it's fading now leaving in it's place    
a painful stomach and the need to throw up    
- I spent 40 years looking for love    
only to find it was never mine to keep    
and I curse this endless hope that love is real,    
I just want to be left alone    
- I get my wish after all