uncertainty.

 i wonder
what i’m doing all this for.
is there really a point?

 on good days i see it
a happy me
with you
in that place we always wanted to live in

and then
most days
i don’t see anything
and i ask myself if everything i’m doing is really worth it
if eventually
i’m just going to wind up dead
drowning in my own tears.

know that i’m aware
it sounds so overused
but ever since i grasped
 the concept of love
i never thought of myself,
to be deserving.

even after
some pretty words and some daring touches
that weren’t even for me
they were for my body.

what’s going to become of me?
it’s a scary thought.
i’m tough and say i don’t need anyone
yet ending up alone
is my worst fear.

i’m so young
i have so much left
but what if i don’t.
what if i messed up too much
to get anything in return.

even if it all goes wrong
i always have a back up plan
another trick upon my sleeve

i’ll go quietly.
and no one would notice.
maybe some
but i will take care of them
from above.
at least i’ll try to
let’s hope that’s one thing
i can do right.