Delayed Snarky Responses to Phrases from 90's Personal Ads

You must look equally good in jeans or a ball gown
because you attend many, many balls?
Height weight proportionate
might we expect the same of you?
Drug and disease free
got something against lepers on meth?
You'll find me outdoors
outdoors is pretty big. I might not
No one ever guesses over 35
the polite response to your awkward little game is to subtract ten years. duh
I don't date gals over 40
 no "gal" of any age wants to date a man who calls women "gals'
I'm intelligant
you sure?
I have green eye's
what belongs to your eye?
I'm attractive
other than a lack of visible, festering boils what affords you this yawn-worthy accolade?
I'm different
oh? you have a foot growing out of your head?
No drama queens!
best of luck, drama king
Must be baggage free
no kids, no past, flawless physical and mental health. got it

Hey 90's guys
hope you are all happy with your hwp, d&d free, baggage less gals

Now don't be late for the ball!