deepundergroundpoetry.com
Thirst
I succumb to the alleviation
of my mortal pain.
He sucked my veins
with a parched greed in his thirst.
Past those trivial clots
in my bloodstream.
The mundane human curse.
I'm drained bone dry, but do not die.
I wonder if anyone can see the developing
immortal glint in my eye.
Like veins of harsh lightning
in a once innocent sky.
of my mortal pain.
He sucked my veins
with a parched greed in his thirst.
Past those trivial clots
in my bloodstream.
The mundane human curse.
I'm drained bone dry, but do not die.
I wonder if anyone can see the developing
immortal glint in my eye.
Like veins of harsh lightning
in a once innocent sky.
Published 19th Oct 2023
Author's Note
May add too.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 0
comments 17
reads 119
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
19th Oct 2023 12:26pm
I don't know. If it were a painting I would call it done.
The metaphor has a satisfying finality to it that works very well for the topic.
Suitable for framing as is.
The metaphor has a satisfying finality to it that works very well for the topic.
Suitable for framing as is.
19th Oct 2023 12:30pm
19th Oct 2023 2:53pm
Now! This is the darkness between twilight and the marrow in the bone. Excellent, if I were to vote,
19th Oct 2023 3:41pm
This has a unique attitude in it, like someone betrayed you in some disheartening fashion. The visuals you use depict death, almost. I like how you put in there that you don't die. Sometimes, it takes going through such things to learn and heal from to make us stronger and better people. They say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, and there's some truth to that. Anyway, yes, dark picture overall. It's like you're aching to be free from what troubles you, and almost turning towards a vengeance or seeking justice. Almost like you transform entirely, from such betrayal. Whether casual or a relationship, I think this has much potential application, in taking some useful interpretation to oneself. Again, solid emotion in your metaphors, as always. Just some of my input. Thanks for sharing!
19th Oct 2023 3:45pm
I do ache internally so be free of my troubles with a vengeance sometimes. Sometimes my inner voice worms it's way in, when it wasn't invited, lol. Your perception is superb as always and is so very much appreciated. You have no idea.
19th Oct 2023 7:36pm
19th Oct 2023 8:01pm
19th Oct 2023 10:46pm
Remind me to bring a mirror the next time we meet... next time? Yeah, just in case you have turned into a vampire. You have been hinting heavily about it lately & it's got me worried! Great write! 🤣👍
20th Oct 2023 00:08am
20th Oct 2023 00:10am
Well, I don't fancy being bitten on the neck. It doesn't turn me on so much! Hehe. 😜
19th Oct 2023 11:46pm
20th Oct 2023 00:09am
21st Oct 2023 2:49am
21st Oct 2023 10:54am
21st Oct 2023 4:07pm
I enjoyed the poem. I have not read a lot of fantasy poems. That's the best way I can describe it. I apologize if that is incorrect.
21st Oct 2023 4:09pm
