Happier Poetry

i want to write happier poetry
i long for my mind to rest at ease
i need to find the light in life
i yearn to be happy
i thirst for a reason to smile
i crave an airy thought
i hunger for closure
for a while I have sought
this

i cannot justify writing happier poetry
when in 6, I feel unsure
when in 1, I’ll feel pain
at none, nothing at all

so far yet not really far at all

2 turns to 1, turns to none
8 down the drain,
no certificate of time
I can’t even complain,
when it wasn’t even mine

not mine to hold,
but yours to share
not mine to love,
but yours to care for
not mine to own,
but yours to beat

not mine to stare at, to find comfort in,
to laugh at, to mess about with, to enjoy,
to find any reason not to cry about,
to love, to cherish, to love, to embellish
the minority i have left, to love, to know,
to even get close to knowing

when in 6, I feel pain
when in 1, it won’t go
at none, I’ll feel nothing
but lost, with no hope

i won’t have my consistent
my one reliable source
my one predictable outcome
your one spark of freedom

ill be left
to fend for myself
because at 1
fate has already been dealt.