After Monday

Once again,
time seems to be
divided
into Before and After.
BM and AM:
Before Monday
and After Monday.
It is difficult to see beyond
the complexities
of next Monday morning.
One scenario, I have imagined
time and time again.
I know how hard it's going to be—
it will take a lot to pull me up again
and will be painful
to paste on a poker face all week.
The alternative scenario:
well, I haven't allowed myself
to think about that.
My subconscious mind knows:
it would change things for us,
for the better;
give me security
and recognition;
and faith in my abilities and patience.
Still, two out of three people
are going to end the day upset.
I'm preparing myself
to be part of that statistic.
Sixty-six point six (recurring) percent.
That's twice as much chance of failure,
than of success.
Or is it, really?
Framed another way,
it is either going to happen
or it isn't;
so do I actually have
a 0% chance or a 100% chance?
Is there somebody so outstanding
that they are about to leave the rest of us
in their dust?
So terrified about the fallout,
I've considered withdrawing,
except that is both a wasted opportunity
and the fastest route
to that 0% chance of success.
Which side of the line
will I end up on?
Either way, I will know
some time after Monday morning.
A.M. After Monday.
That inscrutable future
that I dare not contemplate.