Nostalgia’s A Liar

Two days home alone and I want to die  
So I watch cartoons  
And remember what it was like  
When I was five  
When there was nothing to be scared of  
Dreaming of who I would be when I grew up  
Starstruck by the stage lights  
Doing ballet in the hallway
And singing all the time  
Take me back to those chocolate milk nights
When I was excited by the possibilities of life  
 
Everything’s still the same  
I’m being dramatic  
I like to romanticize what happened  
But I spent my days  
Hiding from the future  
In a laundry basket
The past is a safe place  
But it wasn’t better in the old days  
 
It could be worse
At least I’m not seven  
Fighting with a girl  
Who used tears as weapons
And if I’m really confessing
I spent the next three years wishing I was never born  
But thank god I’m not still eleven  
Obsessed with the boy next door
I don’t cry in my closet  
Like I did when I was twelve  
When she gave me lectures about cutting  
When I just wanted a hug and some help  
 
Nothing’s really changed  
I like being dramatic but now  
I don’t romanticize what happened  
I still spend my days  
Hiding from the future  
In a laundry basket
The past is a safe place  
But it wasn’t better in the old days  
 
Maybe it was easier  
Before I felt the sting of spring break  
When Good Friday was just a day  
I miss the way it used to be
But I made it past thirteen  
So I can survive anything