OH What Have I Done

Sipping on my own madness
Tasting my own medicine
As it cuts straight to the bone
Then takes it time there
Spiraling and gliding through the blood
Fracturing instead of clean breaks
I wonder what next
What will it take
For me to stop all of this
For me to feel again, love instead of hate
It’s not you I hate
It’s only me
The me that won’t let the rest of me be
The one that deviates
Dissociates
Takes the reins
Tally ho
Away we go
So I nibble on my own sadness
Savoring my own sanity in small bites
As the salt of it all burns my wounds
Then sits there and waits
Stirring up forgotten, broken emotions
Pinning them to my brain instead of burning them away
I wonder what next
What will it take
For me to stop all of this
For me to feel again, love instead of hate
It’s not you I hate
It’s only me
The me that won’t let the rest of me be
The one that deviates
Dissociates
Takes the reins
Tally ho
Away we go
The thought of hurting him again, cuts deep from outside to in
I cannot do it again but what if I cannot stop the noisy din
Going on inside my head
Dissociate
Sleep while others reap
Wake to find the damage done
Tally ho
It starts all over again
I take his hand
Away we go