deepundergroundpoetry.com
Confused Hurt
I’ve been absent minded,
I’ve been away for too long.
Long sleeves to cover up the marks,
A smile to make me look strong.
Why is this happening again?
Why did I give in that easily?
The warmth running down my arm,
I dug to greedily.
The knife met my skin again,
He forced my hand.
I’m ashamed of the result.
And I still don’t understand.
How could this have happened?
What was I thinking?
Why couldn’t I just ignore this urge?
Why do I feel like I’m still sinking?
The thoughts should have stopped.
The feelings should have ceased,
Why didn’t it work this time?
Why didn’t it tame this beast?
I’ve been away for too long.
Long sleeves to cover up the marks,
A smile to make me look strong.
Why is this happening again?
Why did I give in that easily?
The warmth running down my arm,
I dug to greedily.
The knife met my skin again,
He forced my hand.
I’m ashamed of the result.
And I still don’t understand.
How could this have happened?
What was I thinking?
Why couldn’t I just ignore this urge?
Why do I feel like I’m still sinking?
The thoughts should have stopped.
The feelings should have ceased,
Why didn’t it work this time?
Why didn’t it tame this beast?
Published 2nd Mar 2023
Author's Note
Normaly it would give me a moment of relief. Long ago it really did. Followed by shame, regret, pain and suffering. But that one moment felt like an eternity of bliss, it felt like heaven. I know, and I’m ashamed. Please forgive me.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 6
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
2nd Mar 2023 11:15pm
3rd Mar 2023 9:17pm
Thank you for the comment Bianka. I guess that some minds are very alike. Or at least their thoughtproces is.
4th Mar 2023 3:10pm
thank3 you for taking -time to reply. *but your amazing of how you have regret more or less straight away after then you have to cover you arms /n legs n fake a smi/le. ill be reading more of your work. i was 6actully going to send this to a friend that self harms but only with your persimisssion? x.
4th Mar 2023 5:20pm
Thanks again for the comment. And the regret is almost immediate, a few minutes of bliss before the darkness takes you again. Yes, you have my permission to share this piece. If it can help someone, how could I refuse.
3rd Mar 2023 1:56am
3rd Mar 2023 9:19pm
Thank you for the comment Daniel. I always try my best to get it on paper the way I feel it.
