PTSD

Why don't you beat me so
i kno that I've messed up again
I'm just a stupid person after all
Who can't do anything right

How can anyone love you
You are worthless and
you deserve to be beaten
every time you mess up
You should be ashamed of yourself
for being a mess up

All you do is sit there being so
emotional and cry it so childish
Clearly I'm gonna have to beat some sense into you
Don't cry or you'll be punished
A tear falls and I feel a slap on my face
You are so weak cry anymore and be punished
The harder you cry the more it the punishment will be

Trying not to cry for help
Fearing of the monster
Dreading the punishments
When I have done nothing at all

I feel tears coming to my face
I let them flow freely but then shake in fear
Feeling pain as I get punished
I am starting to fell numb and can't stand up

I curl into a position where I start to rock myself
Saying that I'm sorry  as I cry and cry
About everything I'm nothing I deserve everything
I feel myself getting so small
hearing the monster.mentally and emotionally feeling pain
Even though everything is just inside my head
Everything on the outside of my head is ok
It's just everything in my head that I dread
 My anxiety is rising and I don't kno why  
I feel the anxiety rise so high
My nerves are shot
My PTSD takes control
And I am lost, my face is but a mask to hide but i cannot.