deepundergroundpoetry.com
Analyze This
This tunnel of psychological
delusion, I created for myself I’m told;
and perhaps I have?
Appearing broken to certain others,,,
Get treatment here, go there, do this,
no do that,,,
Never living up to their standards and
ideals,,,
Who I am, is never good enough for this
‘cliquey’ breed,,,
Yet I’m delighted and comfortable with
who I am…
Are there others like me someplace,
Ones that comprehend and don’t crave to
transform the real me within,,,
Ones that aren’t out to analyze my every
deed or resolution,
I have yet to find any, thought I came close;
once,
Perhaps they don’t exist, and forever I
shall dwell in this psychological tunnel
of delusion, I’ve been told I created for myself…
Who’s to say if they’re right and I’m wrong???
Or vise versa, this isn’t some ridiculous
broad spectrum love song,
This is my existence and viewpoint I’m
talking about,,,
This ’cliquey’ breed exhibits so much hate,
spiked with a great deal of doubt…
I say it's their perception, or possible disdain,
I say they wish they could love themselves
like I do, without refrain,
Simple, yet refined, not to achieve some
label just to be defined,,,
Look at yourself with a perception of sincerity,
love and less conviction,
Don’t get ensnared demanding yourself to be
right and proper for some cult, I meant clique,
or did I?
They’re reasonably one in the same, correct?
Your reflection in the mirror should be your
best friend,,,
For it initiates one to come to terms with
who they truly are; within…
delusion, I created for myself I’m told;
and perhaps I have?
Appearing broken to certain others,,,
Get treatment here, go there, do this,
no do that,,,
Never living up to their standards and
ideals,,,
Who I am, is never good enough for this
‘cliquey’ breed,,,
Yet I’m delighted and comfortable with
who I am…
Are there others like me someplace,
Ones that comprehend and don’t crave to
transform the real me within,,,
Ones that aren’t out to analyze my every
deed or resolution,
I have yet to find any, thought I came close;
once,
Perhaps they don’t exist, and forever I
shall dwell in this psychological tunnel
of delusion, I’ve been told I created for myself…
Who’s to say if they’re right and I’m wrong???
Or vise versa, this isn’t some ridiculous
broad spectrum love song,
This is my existence and viewpoint I’m
talking about,,,
This ’cliquey’ breed exhibits so much hate,
spiked with a great deal of doubt…
I say it's their perception, or possible disdain,
I say they wish they could love themselves
like I do, without refrain,
Simple, yet refined, not to achieve some
label just to be defined,,,
Look at yourself with a perception of sincerity,
love and less conviction,
Don’t get ensnared demanding yourself to be
right and proper for some cult, I meant clique,
or did I?
They’re reasonably one in the same, correct?
Your reflection in the mirror should be your
best friend,,,
For it initiates one to come to terms with
who they truly are; within…
Published 7th Apr 2012
| Edited 8th Apr 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
8th Apr 2012 3:40am
I like this, though I'm not keen on the loose use of rhyme--in my opinion it would be better nonrhyming all the way through. It's a serious poem that could use a serious tone. And the excess of punctuation feels a bit like sand stuck to the poem; it could use a good brush-off.
I think 'cliquey' doesn't need those quotes around it and would feel more natural without them the couple times you used it. One's should be ones a couple times as well.
But, I did like the wording of most of it, in particular "Don’t get ensnared demanding/yourself to be/right and proper for some cult." There's some good stuff here, it just needs some tweaking.
I think 'cliquey' doesn't need those quotes around it and would feel more natural without them the couple times you used it. One's should be ones a couple times as well.
But, I did like the wording of most of it, in particular "Don’t get ensnared demanding/yourself to be/right and proper for some cult." There's some good stuff here, it just needs some tweaking.
8th Apr 2012 2:04pm
I will agree on the One's being changed... This isn't meant to be a read that is punctually correct... This is a diary entry and for me it has tones of sarcasm in the rhymes that are present and much more... If it were a poem I could see tweaking it a bit. Thank you for your input... And glad you like it...
