deepundergroundpoetry.com
Two Knives
the sun is down, and so
it's time, but
she says that she can't
take them off
we go inside, where
the light is kind
yet, still she shades
where her eyes are.
has what she's seen been so cruel
that she wears knives for eyes
she stares, in a defensive posture
ready to shred everything
offered, in front of her
even my hand, half extended;
i sense her tense-ness
and i reach no further
towards her danger.
i pulled flowers from the yard
broke their necks
like a fowl for dinner
-sacrifices, for potential smiles
from her locked lips
yet no exclamations possible
for even simple beauties
no trade, of acknowledgement
her expressions are absent
as if she's cut enough down
all along, by herself
i sew all of my poems
into a kite
string them with my history
hopes that she will see
how high, the loft, of my goals
the purity, in my trying
-times to make her less blind
an abrupt glance, it is done
she cuts this yarn of mine
my kite, my life, ambition
spins, swirls from cruelty
away
and out of sight
no sun, tomorrow
no morning, for light to herald
she's locked it, away
it only remains in the glare
of her mirrored gazes
reflecting back at me
what was, and what will be
no longer.
~~~
Published 10th Oct 2022
| Edited 13th Oct 2022
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 10
reading list entries 6
comments 19
reads 608
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
10th Oct 2022 1:57pm
This is really meaningful poetry Styx. The kite metaphor, as a litany for all that is you, is astute, poignant and carefully crafted. Relatable on several levels. Enjoyed.
10th Oct 2022 2:36pm
Thank you, Rob. This all started from thinking about cat's eyes. And obviously it isn't anything about a cat now.
10th Oct 2022 2:08pm
You have such a knack for getting to the heart of characters and relationships. This one is heartbreaking.... her guarded coldness, your attempts at warmth... she doesn't know what she's missing.
❤️k
❤️k
10th Oct 2022 2:43pm
Some people don't want to know. They are too broken. Too judgemental.
One thing I've learned, everyone deserves a clean slate, when getting to know someone.
For every shark in the ocean, there's a dolphin.
(Did you know that dolphins will ram a shark in its gills, to run it off? Cool)
Thank you, BT. I like this write, I'm glad you can appreciate it's message too.
One thing I've learned, everyone deserves a clean slate, when getting to know someone.
For every shark in the ocean, there's a dolphin.
(Did you know that dolphins will ram a shark in its gills, to run it off? Cool)
Thank you, BT. I like this write, I'm glad you can appreciate it's message too.
10th Oct 2022 3:23pm
I'm one of these silly optimists who has a hard time accepting that anyone is too broken... but it takes a lot of humility & patience. I agree about the clean slate, without that we'd never get anywhere. You have a big, kind heart, sir. ❤️
Dolphins are cool. When you're smaller and have less teeth, you have to rely on badassery and courage, this I know. 😎
Dolphins are cool. When you're smaller and have less teeth, you have to rely on badassery and courage, this I know. 😎
13th Oct 2022 10:56pm
Oh no, BT, some people are most definitely beyond repair. As if they really have sold their soul to the "dark forces". I will stop there, with that.
Just be careful devoting too much effort to any one "lost cause". You'll be dragged down too. And then I have to go mess them up for you!
Just be careful devoting too much effort to any one "lost cause". You'll be dragged down too. And then I have to go mess them up for you!
13th Oct 2022 11:35pm
10th Oct 2022 2:15pm
10th Oct 2022 2:46pm
I'm glad that you got some value out of it.
I'm also glad to carry you along just a bit. I haven't severed all of my kite-strings. Lol
I appreciate your comment!
I'm also glad to carry you along just a bit. I haven't severed all of my kite-strings. Lol
I appreciate your comment!
10th Oct 2022 3:57pm
13th Oct 2022 10:57pm
Thank you young man!
Did you notice the woman's eye in the pic? Blind, but not.
Did you notice the woman's eye in the pic? Blind, but not.
10th Oct 2022 9:16pm
Loved it, loved the character you painted. While a painful rejection, loved it. Congratulations, Styxian.
13th Oct 2022 11:03pm
I appreciate it!
I went from cat's eyes, to a vicious cat, to a pain in the ass woman I was briefly seeing, all in a matter of seconds, of thoughts.
It's a form of venting to me. Maybe many of us?!
I went from cat's eyes, to a vicious cat, to a pain in the ass woman I was briefly seeing, all in a matter of seconds, of thoughts.
It's a form of venting to me. Maybe many of us?!
11th Oct 2022 1:15am
Hey Styx:)
I will always encourage a friend to go for it with all their gusto and glory. But when it starts
messing with your confidence it's time to take a step back and reevaluate. Maybe find
a different approach if you simply want to keep trying:)
This poem has so many kite strings - just don't get your hand all tangled in them.
You are an amazing person - don't ever forget that or let someone question your
value. If it were me - move on - but then again - I'm the two ember girl. hahaha
I'm quick to dump someone and send them on their way. LOL
Whenever you are feeling some type a way - Del is here for ya.
Sending you a big giant both arms hug!!!
Look at you admiring dolphins - see you are awesome:)
Also, loved the title - so dramatic!!
I will always encourage a friend to go for it with all their gusto and glory. But when it starts
messing with your confidence it's time to take a step back and reevaluate. Maybe find
a different approach if you simply want to keep trying:)
This poem has so many kite strings - just don't get your hand all tangled in them.
You are an amazing person - don't ever forget that or let someone question your
value. If it were me - move on - but then again - I'm the two ember girl. hahaha
I'm quick to dump someone and send them on their way. LOL
Whenever you are feeling some type a way - Del is here for ya.
Sending you a big giant both arms hug!!!
Look at you admiring dolphins - see you are awesome:)
Also, loved the title - so dramatic!!
13th Oct 2022 11:09pm
Well, keeping this briefer than my normal reply.. lol;
I know "me" well by now. My confidence is high enough. My worth is too. (Thank you for saying so!). I'm at a stage in life where my patience is thin with too many banged up psyches of women I meet out there in the world. I ain't fixing shit anymore. Lol.
I've seen pictures of your arms, dear. You ain't gianting no hugs. Lol. But I'm also not saying no thanks! So thank you!
I know "me" well by now. My confidence is high enough. My worth is too. (Thank you for saying so!). I'm at a stage in life where my patience is thin with too many banged up psyches of women I meet out there in the world. I ain't fixing shit anymore. Lol.
I've seen pictures of your arms, dear. You ain't gianting no hugs. Lol. But I'm also not saying no thanks! So thank you!
11th Oct 2022 6:45am
Dear S,
You have an undeniable talent for creating a characters background without actually writing it out.
I really enjoyed reading how this story developed and the interchange between the two characters. Not meant to have a happy ending but he sure did try to make her feel safe. Great story telling with such emotional understanding. I’m in awe and a bit envious of this talent. 😉
I remain your humble fan.
H🌷
You have an undeniable talent for creating a characters background without actually writing it out.
I really enjoyed reading how this story developed and the interchange between the two characters. Not meant to have a happy ending but he sure did try to make her feel safe. Great story telling with such emotional understanding. I’m in awe and a bit envious of this talent. 😉
I remain your humble fan.
H🌷
13th Oct 2022 11:18pm
Wow. Thank you. I owe you for that!
I'm leaning more and more into short stories and such. I like doing the character builds and the interactions. Way more than "poetry" . It isn't hard for me. Because I'm notorious for dwelling on thoughts too much. So writing them down is a breeze.
The past three weeks have been very eye opening for me. In a healthy way. I'm mentally stronger for it.
Thank you, H. For always being beside me and my writes. It's a value I hold highly.
I'm leaning more and more into short stories and such. I like doing the character builds and the interactions. Way more than "poetry" . It isn't hard for me. Because I'm notorious for dwelling on thoughts too much. So writing them down is a breeze.
The past three weeks have been very eye opening for me. In a healthy way. I'm mentally stronger for it.
Thank you, H. For always being beside me and my writes. It's a value I hold highly.
Anonymous
- Edited 29th May 2023 7:45am
11th Oct 2022 3:07pm
<< post removed >>
13th Oct 2022 11:41pm
A seedling is actually a cool way to see it. I'm an earth sign (Taurus), and I've always seen myself as TOO tree like. But no, I'm not real big into astrology, no matter how much it fits me. Lol.
I'm pretty steady and sturdy , like a tree. Lately, a few people have let me know how they now see that as being better than a bad thing. Because they're wrecks and I'm not.
- We all "see" what we do because we analyze things through our own lenses. Some are more keen than others, and some are indifferent, etc. Plus, being told about how a reader may be perceiving what we wrote could open the writer to a broader view themselves. That's a plus any day. I always appreciate input. It furthers my limits.
So thank you for your insight. It's needed!
I'm pretty steady and sturdy , like a tree. Lately, a few people have let me know how they now see that as being better than a bad thing. Because they're wrecks and I'm not.
- We all "see" what we do because we analyze things through our own lenses. Some are more keen than others, and some are indifferent, etc. Plus, being told about how a reader may be perceiving what we wrote could open the writer to a broader view themselves. That's a plus any day. I always appreciate input. It furthers my limits.
So thank you for your insight. It's needed!
