Relapse

it's A sinking feeling
like the ocean has opened
waves crashing down
seeming all to familiar
words I can't get out
when I try talk
I splutter
The clouds casting darkness
I'm still reaching for air
can't see
can't breath
wanting but I
Can't speak
...............................
I'm cold
.......
shivering in the icey waters that i have fallen
not crying but Bawling
this time might be the right time for me to go away tonight

i can't keep fighting,
 blood on my bottom lip from biting  
picturing myself choking
decapitation can't fail
if lye my neck on a cold steel rail
or maybe
it would be easier to not give a fuck
take a step in front of a truck
but bad luck
I don't wanna give someone else trauma

I don't wanna be selfless anymore
this is the only thing i ask .

- U53L355