deepundergroundpoetry.com
Trip And Fall
The silence repeats itself, at a constant.
I guess that is what's maddening.
I see that silence,
it's an empty noose,
hanging daylight for now.
From my window,
I push my cigarette smoke
from my mouth to the tail lights
of your car.
It makes a red eyed demon.
It was the third person view,
while we argued who was wrong,
because neither could be right.
But were we ever able to say
anything was right,
more than an hour at a time.
Even our beginning
was a trip and fall.
Simultaneous,
catching one another.
Allowing our neediness
to mask itself as clumsiness.
Same night, then
we bloodied our mouths
like ravenous dogs.
To hell with the humans
inside us.
They just wanted reasons
to gnash against someone.
To rub their brow, but
damned if our fingers
didn't inch our thumbs
daringly close
to one another's eyes.
So we couldn't look, at this mess of us,
maybe the last two wild creatures
on earth, pushed to the edge
of our desperate humanity.
You at least lit your cigarette
with your back to me
-No cheating a glimpse
at that fire in my eyes.
Don't give me proof of yours.
We'll keep us at darkness
and let the smoulder
burn our brains out.
You are gone, and
that noose wraps
itself around
the air of grievance,
that we pleaded
our irrational cases from.
Being right means
being alone.
Just another Again.
You collect them like spoons
from all the rest stops.
No, not you, cherishing them
like souvenirs.
You use them,
to stir your bitterness.
To have blame
that everything tastes like shit.
So you keep going,
defiant of the obvious;
You're only rosy when you're wet.
It's this silence that worries me.
No sounds from my brain,
no drumbeat, this heart.
No dust, on the windowsill,
because my arms rested there
a little too long.
~~~
Published 2nd Sep 2022
| Edited 9th Sep 2022
Author's Note
Slight edit. The first line stuck with me at work all day, so got home and this poured out like a bad drink.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 10
reading list entries 7
comments 21
reads 689
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2nd Sep 2022 2:40am
Hey Styx,
Wow - what a confessional. What grabbed me was this line - Being right means being alone.
I have been in that spot so many times. Do you stay or go. The merry go round of relationships.
You just bared your soul which is quite stunning to be honest. Your expression is not sugar coated
and treaded with true biker elegance:) Which I totally admire. No one is perfect but it shouldn't be
that hard to be happy:)
On a lighter note - not sure I can be friends with someone who has better hair than me:)
Just trying to make ya smile. - this one was a whopper amigo.
Wow - what a confessional. What grabbed me was this line - Being right means being alone.
I have been in that spot so many times. Do you stay or go. The merry go round of relationships.
You just bared your soul which is quite stunning to be honest. Your expression is not sugar coated
and treaded with true biker elegance:) Which I totally admire. No one is perfect but it shouldn't be
that hard to be happy:)
On a lighter note - not sure I can be friends with someone who has better hair than me:)
Just trying to make ya smile. - this one was a whopper amigo.
3rd Sep 2022 3:02pm
Good morning sunshine!
(I didnt quite realize how long my hair actually was! We had gone swimming and she mentioned how it's longer than hers. It is. Lol)
I have no idea why I wrote this one really. It isn't about anyone particularly. I think it's just a culmination of things, past and present. And at work, I daydream a lot. Its okay, I'm good at multitasking.
The first line popped into my head, and stuck. So I had to unstuck it all.
I'm happy that you got the impact of this one. It's almost like I was writing out one long sigh.
I appreciate your take on it. Just don't be analyzing me! Argh!
(I didnt quite realize how long my hair actually was! We had gone swimming and she mentioned how it's longer than hers. It is. Lol)
I have no idea why I wrote this one really. It isn't about anyone particularly. I think it's just a culmination of things, past and present. And at work, I daydream a lot. Its okay, I'm good at multitasking.
The first line popped into my head, and stuck. So I had to unstuck it all.
I'm happy that you got the impact of this one. It's almost like I was writing out one long sigh.
I appreciate your take on it. Just don't be analyzing me! Argh!
3rd Sep 2022 11:26pm
awh - hey - I would never analyze all the gear shifts that make Styxian:)
But I do feel we analyze life as writers and put our own spin on things.
It's like our job as artists right?
We can't help it!!!!
Dreams and life sometimes crash into each other.
Instead of paint we have these colorful little squiggles called the alphabet. And off we go:)
But I do feel we analyze life as writers and put our own spin on things.
It's like our job as artists right?
We can't help it!!!!
Dreams and life sometimes crash into each other.
Instead of paint we have these colorful little squiggles called the alphabet. And off we go:)
9th Sep 2022 4:13am
Here's to all us squiglers! Sounds like the dude in sponge Bob. Lol.
"Dreams and life sometimes crash into each other" - only every day for me!
"Dreams and life sometimes crash into each other" - only every day for me!
2nd Sep 2022 8:49am
Dear S,
This piece for me, painted the stark but brutal truth of a relationship that shouldn’t have happened. Having had so many of them, the phrase that caught my attention “we couldn't look, at this mess of us” the touchstone of the write to me. Not being able to share who we really are, if that’s even possible, can really pick away at the threads of being together. I liked the metaphor of the female turning away to light her cigarette. While that could easily be just a simple action, it represented for me, someone hiding every flaw they have and don’t want anyone, even themselves to see.
“It's this silence that worries me.
No sounds from my brain,
no drumbeat, this heart.” That stanza is when I know I need to clear out. I am sorry, I feel like I’m laying a lot of my own burdens on your poetic doorstep. This write has really delves into a bit of relationship psyche that I typically like to ignore until the silence is so loud I must finally take action. Amazing, insightful, truthful write.
H🌷
This piece for me, painted the stark but brutal truth of a relationship that shouldn’t have happened. Having had so many of them, the phrase that caught my attention “we couldn't look, at this mess of us” the touchstone of the write to me. Not being able to share who we really are, if that’s even possible, can really pick away at the threads of being together. I liked the metaphor of the female turning away to light her cigarette. While that could easily be just a simple action, it represented for me, someone hiding every flaw they have and don’t want anyone, even themselves to see.
“It's this silence that worries me.
No sounds from my brain,
no drumbeat, this heart.” That stanza is when I know I need to clear out. I am sorry, I feel like I’m laying a lot of my own burdens on your poetic doorstep. This write has really delves into a bit of relationship psyche that I typically like to ignore until the silence is so loud I must finally take action. Amazing, insightful, truthful write.
H🌷
3rd Sep 2022 3:27pm
H, you can pile all you want at my doorstep. That door is open.
The turning away while lighting the cigarette, yes, no illuminating "us", so close in a light.
I think I was dwelling on my current situation/s a bit too much. I'm a "relationship guy" through and through. But the timing is not now. So I'm doing too much push-pull with similar minded ones. One I like a lot, but who is Miss Negative 2022, dropped the "L-word" on me the other day. And I only felt an anchor pulling me under water. Lol.
I know for a fact that I'd be lumped into her negative pile eventually too.
Anyhow. This resulting poem is probably universal to most of us? We all have our versions of an epilogue. This one can serve as a "cut and paste" for many.
Hey it's Saturday! And I'm doing laundry. Seems like 99% work clothes. What joy.
Thank you for your in depth take on it. Like I said before, sometimes comments add an angle that I end up incorporating. I appreciate the assists!
The turning away while lighting the cigarette, yes, no illuminating "us", so close in a light.
I think I was dwelling on my current situation/s a bit too much. I'm a "relationship guy" through and through. But the timing is not now. So I'm doing too much push-pull with similar minded ones. One I like a lot, but who is Miss Negative 2022, dropped the "L-word" on me the other day. And I only felt an anchor pulling me under water. Lol.
I know for a fact that I'd be lumped into her negative pile eventually too.
Anyhow. This resulting poem is probably universal to most of us? We all have our versions of an epilogue. This one can serve as a "cut and paste" for many.
Hey it's Saturday! And I'm doing laundry. Seems like 99% work clothes. What joy.
Thank you for your in depth take on it. Like I said before, sometimes comments add an angle that I end up incorporating. I appreciate the assists!
"we bloodied our mouths
like ravenous dogs
to hell with the humans
inside us
they just wanted reasons
to gnash against someone"
I really liked this analogy, suited well as the point we can get to when things have been pent up and the primal urge to just gnaw or fuck or fight is there. we often describe niggles and persistent negative thoughts, stresses, as noise, so the sudden silence when it's all been said can require serious adjustment. and the noose always feels tighter when we know we're not really all-the-way right.
1 "damned if our fingers
didn't inch our thumbs
daringly close
to the other's eyes.
2 so we couldn't look, at this mess of us," - real talk
(personally, i didn't think you needed the rest of these two stanzas outside these lines, but when we take notes, sometimes the details of those thoughts are important to us)
there's a lot more here that hits different for me.
"don't give me proof of yours
we'll level at darkness
let the smoulder
burn our brains out" - i paraphrased, but ooft
thank you for sharing this part of life. it's a rough one.
like ravenous dogs
to hell with the humans
inside us
they just wanted reasons
to gnash against someone"
I really liked this analogy, suited well as the point we can get to when things have been pent up and the primal urge to just gnaw or fuck or fight is there. we often describe niggles and persistent negative thoughts, stresses, as noise, so the sudden silence when it's all been said can require serious adjustment. and the noose always feels tighter when we know we're not really all-the-way right.
1 "damned if our fingers
didn't inch our thumbs
daringly close
to the other's eyes.
2 so we couldn't look, at this mess of us," - real talk
(personally, i didn't think you needed the rest of these two stanzas outside these lines, but when we take notes, sometimes the details of those thoughts are important to us)
there's a lot more here that hits different for me.
"don't give me proof of yours
we'll level at darkness
let the smoulder
burn our brains out" - i paraphrased, but ooft
thank you for sharing this part of life. it's a rough one.
3rd Sep 2022 3:46pm
"but ooft" - that's cool as hell! I think that's what I was aiming for, and you found the bullseye for me.
One of my flaws is that I'm bad at silence. I always feel like I have to fill in the blanks.
Your assessment is righteous. Who of us doesn't like validation of our critical thoughts?
And you can paraphrase my stuff as much as you want. Your style of writing compliments the angles I aim for. It's a good look!
Thank you much for your view. I appreciate it a lot.
One of my flaws is that I'm bad at silence. I always feel like I have to fill in the blanks.
Your assessment is righteous. Who of us doesn't like validation of our critical thoughts?
And you can paraphrase my stuff as much as you want. Your style of writing compliments the angles I aim for. It's a good look!
Thank you much for your view. I appreciate it a lot.
2nd Sep 2022 12:03pm
So we'll crafted
Feeling no light
Messy messed up
Left a stain on my heart
That's good writing
BIG LIKE
Feeling no light
Messy messed up
Left a stain on my heart
That's good writing
BIG LIKE
3rd Sep 2022 3:51pm
Every time you post a painting, I mentally dissect and describe it in my head. It's addictive.
There's truth in that every picture tells a story.
Thank you for the BL. Maybe I'm doing this right after all.
There's truth in that every picture tells a story.
Thank you for the BL. Maybe I'm doing this right after all.
2nd Sep 2022 12:29pm
Written from that dark typewriter, deep inside, where few are brave enough to type. The resignation, poetic coup de grace, of the final stanza resonates loudly for me. You are a natural born storyteller. Kudos. Rob
3rd Sep 2022 4:01pm
Thanks Rob. The ending was actually my favorite part. I'm a long-penned writer, and have immense trouble knowing when to end a write. I keep wanting to dress it up, too much.
But to me, this was the only way to write the end. The lamentations.
And yes, definitely a darker mood for me on this one.
Thank you for the kudos!
But to me, this was the only way to write the end. The lamentations.
And yes, definitely a darker mood for me on this one.
Thank you for the kudos!
2nd Sep 2022 12:38pm
This sounds like story of a long, painful mistake. But how beautifully you weave the story! Your writing is just so good.
❤️k
❤️k
How's you, BT?
My brain is bigger than my body, lol. I look like a balloon head if I have no hair.
So, although my day job is highly physical, and also a lot of problem solving stuff, I still have plenty of room in my big ol skull to build "scenarios" to write about.
Plus the texts and occasional calls during the day contribute to the direction I take.
And yeah, the evenings fill in some blanks too.
It's good to see your avatar popping up here! It makes me smile for some silly reason. Lol.
Thank you, BTW.
My brain is bigger than my body, lol. I look like a balloon head if I have no hair.
So, although my day job is highly physical, and also a lot of problem solving stuff, I still have plenty of room in my big ol skull to build "scenarios" to write about.
Plus the texts and occasional calls during the day contribute to the direction I take.
And yeah, the evenings fill in some blanks too.
It's good to see your avatar popping up here! It makes me smile for some silly reason. Lol.
Thank you, BTW.
3rd Sep 2022 8:59pm
My avatar makes me laugh too. She's so ridiculous, over-the-top feisty, it keeps me from taking myself too seriously. Glad it brings a smile!
🙂
🙂
2nd Sep 2022 1:14pm
sooo good. great line after great line here, only mentioning a few: I push cigarette smoke from my mouth to the tail lights.., collect them like spoons.. use them to stir your bitterness. And the perfect metaphor at the end of resting on the windowsill a little too long.
you make me feel the push, the pull and the drop. both frustration and denial show through in your piece.
sadly I relate too well to this one.. bringing back questions of why couldn't I just let go sooner?
great write!
you make me feel the push, the pull and the drop. both frustration and denial show through in your piece.
sadly I relate too well to this one.. bringing back questions of why couldn't I just let go sooner?
great write!
3rd Sep 2022 4:24pm
Push, pull, drop. Wow, you are right and I didn't even see it happening as i wrote it. Very perceptive of you Ursa.
The smoke and tail lights forming demon eyes I thought was pretty crafty, if I do say so myself. Lol.
And yeah, the ending. When I got there, I said to myself "well that's that". Nothing else left to add.
Great comment, I thank you very much!
The smoke and tail lights forming demon eyes I thought was pretty crafty, if I do say so myself. Lol.
And yeah, the ending. When I got there, I said to myself "well that's that". Nothing else left to add.
Great comment, I thank you very much!
7th Sep 2022 7:55pm
Great picture... and yeah what Adel said about the hair. :p Going to analyze you all day long just because you said not to though. lol Yeah, that's just how I am.... Defiant, bratty, and snarky sometimes and I really need a good hard spanking for sure. But hold me down because I can be a fighter. ;)
Oh the silence can truly drive me insane. I tried to meditate and it was a disaster... Either I tortured myself or I was just too damn horny not to start making some noise. Just saying. Hanging daylight waiting for the sun to die... I suppose I am a Vampire because I love the night so much. The sun hurts my eyes, makes me want to drink your blood. Going to have to move that hair aside first though. Like always the imagery is amazing... I could see the smoke making it's way to the tail lights as this red eyed demon seems to emerge from the depths. 'while we argued who was wrong, because neither could be right' What incredible lines. Everyone fighting to prove themselves right only to show that you are both wrong in some way. Things are rarely black and white.
If you can never agree, there is only way to work that out in my mind... grudge sex can be amazing, trying to hurt each other; oh yeah! there is a ton of passion in that. lol You can definitely forget what you were arguing about real fast while still taking out that intensity of feelings in the body. Gonna take more than an hour though.
I love this feral carnal viciousness, like transforming into demons... To hell with the humans inside. Still you cannot look away when you are pushed to the edge. Fiery eyes will burn in the darkness no matter which way you turn.
'Being right means being alone' such a powerful statement with so much meaning and depth behind it. People so often fighting to be right when everyone is wrong. It's so important to realize what you really should fight for and what is virtually meaningless wasting your passion and time together on trivial pursuits that all lead to the same place. No where...
'You're only rosy when you're wet.' Like I said grudge sex... it will get you rosy every time. ;) I say just keep her wet 24/7 and problem solved.
The ending... that really summed things up perfectly. How often do we find ourselves 'rested there a little too long' in relationships with people we are not truly compatible with. Where the drama becomes the center of everything and although there is definitely a lot of passion in that, the passion certainly could be put to much better use. To truly live and experience life as more than just one never ending fight... To truly enjoy each other and takes risks together, to experience real thrills and truly share intimacy wherever you go, anytime and anywhere... There will always be fights but when they become everything and you resent someone it's time for a chance for the sake of everyone involved.
Incredible write, I cannot do it justice in a quick comment but sadly I have to get back to other things so I will just leave it at this. But you write life in such an incredibly meaningful way that I think everyone can identify with strongly.
Oh the silence can truly drive me insane. I tried to meditate and it was a disaster... Either I tortured myself or I was just too damn horny not to start making some noise. Just saying. Hanging daylight waiting for the sun to die... I suppose I am a Vampire because I love the night so much. The sun hurts my eyes, makes me want to drink your blood. Going to have to move that hair aside first though. Like always the imagery is amazing... I could see the smoke making it's way to the tail lights as this red eyed demon seems to emerge from the depths. 'while we argued who was wrong, because neither could be right' What incredible lines. Everyone fighting to prove themselves right only to show that you are both wrong in some way. Things are rarely black and white.
If you can never agree, there is only way to work that out in my mind... grudge sex can be amazing, trying to hurt each other; oh yeah! there is a ton of passion in that. lol You can definitely forget what you were arguing about real fast while still taking out that intensity of feelings in the body. Gonna take more than an hour though.
I love this feral carnal viciousness, like transforming into demons... To hell with the humans inside. Still you cannot look away when you are pushed to the edge. Fiery eyes will burn in the darkness no matter which way you turn.
'Being right means being alone' such a powerful statement with so much meaning and depth behind it. People so often fighting to be right when everyone is wrong. It's so important to realize what you really should fight for and what is virtually meaningless wasting your passion and time together on trivial pursuits that all lead to the same place. No where...
'You're only rosy when you're wet.' Like I said grudge sex... it will get you rosy every time. ;) I say just keep her wet 24/7 and problem solved.
The ending... that really summed things up perfectly. How often do we find ourselves 'rested there a little too long' in relationships with people we are not truly compatible with. Where the drama becomes the center of everything and although there is definitely a lot of passion in that, the passion certainly could be put to much better use. To truly live and experience life as more than just one never ending fight... To truly enjoy each other and takes risks together, to experience real thrills and truly share intimacy wherever you go, anytime and anywhere... There will always be fights but when they become everything and you resent someone it's time for a chance for the sake of everyone involved.
Incredible write, I cannot do it justice in a quick comment but sadly I have to get back to other things so I will just leave it at this. But you write life in such an incredibly meaningful way that I think everyone can identify with strongly.
9th Sep 2022 3:20am
"I'm a fighter" I'm quite sure that you are. And you'd probably win for a little while, because I'd be laughing at your gruff attempts. Lol.
I love playful attitudes pretty much all the time. Not goofy, just good natured. It makes everything easier.
"Cannot do it justice" oh I'm pretty sure that you did! You are thorough (detail oriented?) (I know I am) with your comments. Both from and to you.
I thank you most graciously for this reply, Kix. (How many nicknames am I up to for ya? Lol)
I love playful attitudes pretty much all the time. Not goofy, just good natured. It makes everything easier.
"Cannot do it justice" oh I'm pretty sure that you did! You are thorough (detail oriented?) (I know I am) with your comments. Both from and to you.
I thank you most graciously for this reply, Kix. (How many nicknames am I up to for ya? Lol)
"I see that silence,
it's an empty noose"
"Just another Again.
You collect them like spoons"
Your metaphors, amazing. Amazing.
What could be more silent than an empty noose? The small value of collected free spoons and being right after arguments.
I salute you. This is beyond craft.
it's an empty noose"
"Just another Again.
You collect them like spoons"
Your metaphors, amazing. Amazing.
What could be more silent than an empty noose? The small value of collected free spoons and being right after arguments.
I salute you. This is beyond craft.
9th Sep 2022 3:27am
I have the luxury of working alone most the day. And as long as I dont play music, I can meander through my thoughts uninterrupted. So it's easy to pull the images forward, really. Sometimes they build way bigger than I write down. I have to trim it all back.
Thank you, for your supportive comment. I do try to make them worthwhile.
Thank you, for your supportive comment. I do try to make them worthwhile.
