Animal House

Animals are spending to much time with people and that's a fact
My dog attacked me from the rear trying to commit a sexual act
My cat usually serious thought that this was something to laugh at
While he's rolling around laughing the rats are moving back
 
Haha my coy fish aren't coy, they are starting to annoy
They are spending more time watching me than they ever did before
The birds outside are always knocking wanting to borrow or come in
Just how many cups of sunflower seeds should a neighbor have to lend
  
Some one gave me a python that decided he liked my couch
He liked the thermostat set at eighty dam near running me out of my own house
He likes his meals served promptly with everything arranged on a plate
And don't change the tv from  Animal Planet if you know your dam fate
  
The ants have decided that my kitchen counter makes the perfect battlefield
The squirrels are back having sex in the attic, I can hear the moans and squeals
All of that freaking sex and me not getting none
I think that they're banging on the walls just for fucking fun
  
There's a moth that turns the porch light off so that he doesn't have to dance all night
My front porch is like a club with the mosquitoes controlling the fights  
It was time to clean this shit up, it's time for some action
Placed a zapper on the porch and made it the main attraction
  
Bugs are coming from far and wide falling for this trap
I dropped the thermostat to thirty and the python decided to take a nap
When his ass wakes up he'll be moved in to the zoo
I traded him for this anteater, to come in and fuck up this ant crew
  
I told the squirrels that my attic motel would begin charging by the night
The coy fish watched as they moved out and reported to me at first light
I told them to mind their business or they'ld find themselves in a pan
I promised my dog, he'ld be neutered, if he didn't learn to use his hands
  
I promised the cat that if he didn't get of his back and handle the rats
I'ld have the anteater fuck him, now laugh at that
The birds knocked with their usual request
I told them tomorrow I'm evicting all fucking nests
  
The home life is starting to run like a well oiled machine
I'm mostly relaxed with only small annoyances in between
The cat is laying by the hearth asleep, the dog is constantly stretched at my feet
And that anteater, the annoyance, is constantly in the bathroom beating his meat