deepundergroundpoetry.com
Borrower's Rock
Our love arrived, on a turtle's back
as we tossed the ball
with our beach-gang friends
It followed us
as we walked to Mabel's store
for a soda and smokes
As our friends kicked sand
and cursed our discovery
I remember you talking
about all sorts of nothings
While I all of the sudden
saw you differently
In those words of yours, was something
And you, the quick light
in such grey moments
asked "What?"
I feigned deaf, and dumb
And said "Oh, nothing"
But you, the bright light
saw right through
As I saw you being much more
than yesterday's before
And me, the worded one
stopped and drew an exclamation point
in the wet sand
This is where we began
Let's leave them, you asked
Let's go to the creek
Cool off, in the spring water
Start from scratch, without the salt
Did you know, how many times
I kissed you, in my head
Playing the scenario out
trying to predict the "Perfect"
as we made our way through the trees
But I wasn't even close
Because that kiss cracked my ribs, inside out
I tried to be graceful
as my legs gave out
-pulling you down
in a mouthful, all at once
I would call it lovemaking
Because it started inside out
There, amongst the wild grass
and unclaimed forest flowers
we made a remembrance
Although the grass will claim it back
like it never happened
Yet, like lightning on a barely cloudy day
something else happened
In that bowing, of a polite sun
When nature reminds us
that humans follow a pattern too
Something took hold, and grew
You knew, in a few weeks time
Yet all I had to go on
was your quiet smile
The flames were still there
but ebbed, like an evening tide
Your eyes had the look
of things lost
Of hope given up
When finally you told me
over tears and 4 a.m. cigarettes
of why your belly hurt
When you explained the why
That how I probably
didn't want to be tied down
That men were all
basically the same at my age
No time for another life
No energy, for new life
I held your hands in mine
But my soul picked a piece
of me inside, and let it step away
It slipped slowly, quietly, away
as you explained
why I had no choices in this
How your burdens shouldn't be mine
And so my shoulders shrank
then and there
I was less than two of us after all
When we become singular again
during our losses
Life begins at hope
Therefore, it existed
Yet brief, a flash of quiet lightning
whitening a grey cloud
And then everything is dark again
While hope is locked away again
in a chest
Maybe open in another year
To think about the could've been
There was no right or wrong
There is today and tomorrow
There was plenty of room
Hearts are made to expand
It's the push and pull
that drives us
We are stronger by the days
if you had tried
I can't tell you
that you did the right thing
Who can speak of fate
When it picks it's own destiny
All I know is that it isn't so hard
when both of us take turns leading
Wild flowers that bloom
in the forest, stay unheralded
And the tide of the ocean
will reclaim our footprints
I know deep down, it's jealous
We could've walked anywhere
and leave it there, at its limits
And now, you've told me
our limit too
"Let's just stay us"
My only option was "okay"
The sun was not polite
It scowled my eyes
so I looked down
I took back my visions, from you
You know it's a quiet death for love
when you don't feel it slip away
It's slow, like a turtle's progress
in the sand
But it has so much to look forward to
away from right here
That same turtle
I put my foot on its back;
More time, more time
and then we can go from here
Slow the day, build a fire
shoot flaming arrows into the sun
I'm not ready to dwell
under the moon's concern
Burn us now, burn our sins
Scorch these moments from earth
Let the sea have our lives
to wash them, in turbulence
and we will pick them up again
in the morning
But we won't know each other
so well, after all
There's a rock, in the waves
Soon, it will be under
The tide claims everything
No, not a rock, it's a turtle
not looking back for us
And our time goes too
Slow, hitching a ride
on the back of that hope
that we had barely borrowed.
~~~
Published 17th Jul 2022
Author's Note
Abortion always leaves a what if.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 17
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17th Jul 2022 12:16pm
17th Jul 2022 1:58pm
18th Jul 2022 12:52pm
17th Jul 2022 4:45pm
Good Morning Styx:)
Ughh. This pulls on me a bit. I'm a mother of two boys and this scenario at times
flutters around in my mind. I always preach safe sex - but it isn't always bullet proof.
That kind of decision - in all honesty - would kill a piece of me a bit. Not trying to sound judgy
with this - but I'm being honest. Yes - I would love to be a grandma. LOL
The way you expressed your feelings about this is so beautiful and gut wrenching.
I can totally see why you would over think this. You're human - it is not a small thing.
Sounds like you found some piece with it - so I'm hopeful for ya:)
Thanks for sharing:)
Ughh. This pulls on me a bit. I'm a mother of two boys and this scenario at times
flutters around in my mind. I always preach safe sex - but it isn't always bullet proof.
That kind of decision - in all honesty - would kill a piece of me a bit. Not trying to sound judgy
with this - but I'm being honest. Yes - I would love to be a grandma. LOL
The way you expressed your feelings about this is so beautiful and gut wrenching.
I can totally see why you would over think this. You're human - it is not a small thing.
Sounds like you found some piece with it - so I'm hopeful for ya:)
Thanks for sharing:)
18th Jul 2022 00:36am
Hello Del!
This is an old write that I dug up and redid a bunch. It was worth fixing up. That situation was ages ago. I don't dwell on it much, it was chance that I even found this one.
And, who is to say what is the right decision in each circumstance? I am not for or against abortion. Because there are just as many reasons to be for it or against it. It is the woman's choice, ultimately. But hopefully with the father's thoughts included.
At the time, my gf did what she thought was right. And I respected her for doing what she believed was the right thing. Regardless if I agreed or not.
I have a son and daughter that have filled my roller coaster of parenthood all these years, LOL. And they've turned out okay. Whew!
Thank you, for your kindness and comments. I appreciate you!
This is an old write that I dug up and redid a bunch. It was worth fixing up. That situation was ages ago. I don't dwell on it much, it was chance that I even found this one.
And, who is to say what is the right decision in each circumstance? I am not for or against abortion. Because there are just as many reasons to be for it or against it. It is the woman's choice, ultimately. But hopefully with the father's thoughts included.
At the time, my gf did what she thought was right. And I respected her for doing what she believed was the right thing. Regardless if I agreed or not.
I have a son and daughter that have filled my roller coaster of parenthood all these years, LOL. And they've turned out okay. Whew!
Thank you, for your kindness and comments. I appreciate you!
17th Jul 2022 8:55pm
Such a bittersweet read. What a difficult thing you had to deal with. I understand why it wasn't your choice, but that doesn't make it any more of a loss.
This is the best thing I've read today:
As I saw you being much more
than yesterday's before
And me, the worded one
stopped and drew an exclamation point
in the wet sand
This is the best thing I've read today:
As I saw you being much more
than yesterday's before
And me, the worded one
stopped and drew an exclamation point
in the wet sand
18th Jul 2022 00:59am
Rereading my poem, I see things to change. But I dunno. Lol. Overthinking again!
Thank you for your input, Ellie. It was a long time ago . I just figured I'd update it some. It reads better now. I hate to write about "loss" too much. But it's so easy to feel the emotions and work with that.
It's rained literally all day here, too. Kinda makes for glum writing. Lol.
Good to see you, little mermaid! (I like your actual photos too btw! )
Thank you for your input, Ellie. It was a long time ago . I just figured I'd update it some. It reads better now. I hate to write about "loss" too much. But it's so easy to feel the emotions and work with that.
It's rained literally all day here, too. Kinda makes for glum writing. Lol.
Good to see you, little mermaid! (I like your actual photos too btw! )
18th Jul 2022 1:01am
Anonymous
18th Jul 2022 8:31am
For me and I’m a wordy son of a bitch, it kind of got a little on the wordier side, but the sentiment, the poetics in it are done really well,
The story beneath he poem
Hurts like hell
and at the same time, it’s understandable and relatable
Although I fell away a little about midway through the ending was humanity on the page and I say bravo for that.
The story beneath he poem
Hurts like hell
and at the same time, it’s understandable and relatable
Although I fell away a little about midway through the ending was humanity on the page and I say bravo for that.
19th Jul 2022 2:47am
Dear S,
A very difficult subject with an even more difficult thought process to accompany it. The writing stands alone. I’ve mentioned before my awe of your talent. The experience of the story is what spellbinds the reader. Getting a piece of what you felt is like finding the holy grail. I can only imagine what the situation might be from a female perspective to have to make a decision of this magnitude. Getting a peek into the male thought process has been genuinely insightful. I’m very sorry for your loss. You’ve, once again, expressed emotion so beautifully it can truly stop a heart. H🌷
A very difficult subject with an even more difficult thought process to accompany it. The writing stands alone. I’ve mentioned before my awe of your talent. The experience of the story is what spellbinds the reader. Getting a piece of what you felt is like finding the holy grail. I can only imagine what the situation might be from a female perspective to have to make a decision of this magnitude. Getting a peek into the male thought process has been genuinely insightful. I’m very sorry for your loss. You’ve, once again, expressed emotion so beautifully it can truly stop a heart. H🌷
22nd Jul 2022 2:08am
Hiya H.
When I'm running low on new ideas, I dig out older stuff and tweak it a bit. Such as this one. It is way better than it was. I've matured more. Thankfully. Hopefully so does my writing. Maybe I will be satisfied when I'm 90. Lol.
Reading other material by others really does influence my ability. To me, this is all a trade.
I'm only as good as my peers.
Thank you, for always being in my corner. It helps me breathe easier.
When I'm running low on new ideas, I dig out older stuff and tweak it a bit. Such as this one. It is way better than it was. I've matured more. Thankfully. Hopefully so does my writing. Maybe I will be satisfied when I'm 90. Lol.
Reading other material by others really does influence my ability. To me, this is all a trade.
I'm only as good as my peers.
Thank you, for always being in my corner. It helps me breathe easier.
23rd Jul 2022 10:44am
This brings back quiet memories for me of times there were not so quiet ....
Doesn't matter when you wrote it but more so that you reworked it and brought it back into view.
The male perspective on a heartbreaking decision to be made is often lost in the conversation...
Well done Styx
BIG
LIKE
Doesn't matter when you wrote it but more so that you reworked it and brought it back into view.
The male perspective on a heartbreaking decision to be made is often lost in the conversation...
Well done Styx
BIG
LIKE
23rd Jul 2022 4:32pm
I used to print out everything I write, so that I had a hard copy in case of puter-crash. Or tablet, phone, etc. Needless to say, I have a hefty folder. Lol.
I liked the sentiment within this one. I tried to make it personal obviously, without judgement too much. Life at that time was crazy for her and me both. A damn hurricane really. But I wanted this to be about the calmness. Because that's where I thrive.
Thank you PoetSpeak. You always give me a decent male perspective, like a good brother should. Thank you.
I liked the sentiment within this one. I tried to make it personal obviously, without judgement too much. Life at that time was crazy for her and me both. A damn hurricane really. But I wanted this to be about the calmness. Because that's where I thrive.
Thank you PoetSpeak. You always give me a decent male perspective, like a good brother should. Thank you.
27th Jul 2022 2:55am
Totally agree with other commenters. Like Adelphina said the way you expressed your feelings about this is so beautiful and gut wrenching. And it is interesting to hear the male perspective because often it is not represented. I am terrible about over thinking things and this is definitely something that I over think in my own situation which is different but I understand. My Mom was told to get an abortion and refused because she was first diagnosed when she was pregnant with me and they couldn't do the treatments while she was pregnant. So this hits really hard for me. To think I may have caused her more suffering tears me up inside. And I think what if she had, what if I just didn't exist but what if it would have prevented the relapses. It's a weird thing to think about but I do anyway especially now. It would have been easier to never know that for me.
28th Jul 2022 3:33am
Your mom chose the correct decision based on her feelings of love for the child to be(you!). That in itself means her sacrifice of her own dilemma for the sake of you is absolutely a testament to her kind heart.
Plus that was so long ago, you should have nothing but feelings of being blessed. I guarantee you that's how she feels.
People sacrifice for the greater good frequently in this world. It's part of being not just human, but humane.
You have a very strong mother. And you should feel nothing but joy because of it.
Plus that was so long ago, you should have nothing but feelings of being blessed. I guarantee you that's how she feels.
People sacrifice for the greater good frequently in this world. It's part of being not just human, but humane.
You have a very strong mother. And you should feel nothing but joy because of it.
27th Jul 2022 11:43am
Ok, so you've visited my poetry and I'm finally getting around to yours.... I often tune out with longer poems... but you had me hooked with this. I'm really no authority to say so, but this is damn good writing and storytelling, regardless of subject matter (which is also beautifully thought-provoking).
Just wow. You've got my attention now.
😊k
Just wow. You've got my attention now.
😊k
28th Jul 2022 3:37am
Thank you so much, K. I see myself as a writer more so than a "poet". And yes, I'm lousy at brevity. But it's the stories I'm after and not always the construct of a poetic piece.
I just like to write. Who knows what comes out. I rarely do til it's done! Lol
Thank you for your generous comment.
I just like to write. Who knows what comes out. I rarely do til it's done! Lol
Thank you for your generous comment.
